


You Mighty, Submissive Soul

by KyloInTheSheets



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Choke, Force Choking (Star Wars), Hate to Love, I'm Going to Hell, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Oral Sex, Pet Names, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Kylo Ren, Protective Kylo Ren, Reader-Insert, Rough Sex, Self-Insert, Slut Shaming, Smut, Some Fluff, Spanking, Star Wars Universe, Talk of Physical Abuse, Torture, Traumatic Past and Events, Vaginal Fingering, Your Generic Kylo x Reader Fic, because of chapter 12
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:29:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27085606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyloInTheSheets/pseuds/KyloInTheSheets
Summary: Residing in a poor mining system alone, you live so miserably that you can barely call it home. That is until the mighty, powerful First Order comes to your planet seeking loyalty and allegiance. Somehow during the negotiations, you become part of the deal.----On hiatus for a little bit just until I finish Not What You Wanted. WILL BE CONTINUED, I WON'T ABANDON THIS!!!
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 8
Kudos: 113





	1. Terrorized, Alone, Distressed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Order comes to your home planet of Jezuno and a deal is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELCOME TO MY KYLO REN X READER FANFIC!!! This one is probably not special compared to others but I begun writing this back in May so I'm excited. This also means the writing for the first few chapters may not be as great but oh well, that only means I've improved in the past... (math math math) FIVE months.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy Your Mighty, Submissive Soul!

_You were frozen._

_Your brain was working frantically, commanding your arms to swing, your legs to sprint and your feet to just... move._

_But your body wasn't working alongside your mind. Your feet were stuck to the ground which was purely soil. Your arms hung close to your sides._

_You could scream, however._

_You bellowed for your father, "Get out! Get out! Dad!?"_

_Of course, the yelling never worked. You watched in horror once again, as a massive explosion erupted in the short distance between you and the mining area where your father works. Well... worked._

_You were completely stiff as a thunderous booming followed the smoke and fire that was slowly but surely rising. You felt that even if some invisible force wasn't compelling you to stay still, you wouldn't be able to move anyway._

_So you stood there for what felt like forever, watching the flames spread and smoke rise high into the grey clouded sky. Finally and on cue, a heavy hand placed itself on your shoulder from behind you. But like always, you couldn't turn around to see who it was._

———

It was something you still wondered about as your eyes shot open and you sat upright in your cot - you couldn't even call it a bed. You knew it was only a dream but you constantly wondered who was always behind you, and comforting you at the end of your dream.

Alongside the wonder, you felt the same three feelings you had woken up with for.. weeks? Definitely weeks. Months? Maybe even years? You didn't know how long. You had felt nothing but terrorized, alone, and distressed everyday since you truly had no living creature in the galaxy who cared even the slightest about you. Sure, life before your father's death wasn't great, but it wasn't nearly as miserable as it was now.

At least back then, you had someone to joke with and spend your time with whenever you weren't being commanded by Murr, the 'leader' of the town one could say, to finish your daily chores.

Back then you could at least smile. Now, you don't remember the last time you had found the corners of your lips in an upright position. You couldn't remember the last time you had even felt some feeling of decency.

You circled your gaze around your tent-like home. It was small - probably couldn't fit more than 5 people inside at once. Only a cot and small stove were provided for you. The light from the rising sun seeped through the thin fabric of the walls of your tent. It was time for another boring and lonely day.

You didn't have friends. It's not that you couldn't be outgoing, you certainly could, but there was nobody within the town remotely close to your age. Reproduction wasn't exactly ideal, as couples couldn't afford to raise a child at all, not to mention there would be no health care of any sort to aid the mother during the pregnancy. If a woman were to fall pregnant, it was almost positive that she would perish giving birth.

That's how your mother died.

So the person you conversed with the most was Murr, but the conversing was mostly just him barking orders at you like,

"Did I not tell you to polish the axes twice a day?"

"Girl, those shafts better be clear for operation when I come back, otherwise you won't be seeing food for the next few days."

And your personal favorite,

"Sweetie if you're gonna be this useless, you may as well be dead."

Because it was true. You were no use to anyone or anything. If you died, your body would be lazily carried through town by other citizens you didn't even know, and tossed deep into the ground without a care in the galaxy. You had accepted it though. No one respected or loved you, and no one ever would. Especially the love part.

You swung your feet over the side of your cot so you could feel the dirt and soil beneath your toes. You'd been wearing the same thing for as long as you could remember: tan cargo pants, a black t-shirt that fit tightly around your torso, and black laced boots. Being clean wasn't really a necessity.

You pushed your hands to your thighs and stood, then pushed open the flap of your tent that acted as a door. You stared outside and sighed. Everything on Jezuno was brown. The only green you ever saw were the few trees scattered throughout town. There was a tree you walked by everyday on your way to the shafts, which you always silently admired.

You stepped outside and began the walk to work, which you had done everyday for years, perhaps.

Truth be told, you didn't know how old you really were, but you guessed you were somewhere in your early twenties. After the death of your father - which you estimated to be a few years ago - you stopped keeping any track of time. Your goal everyday was simply to.. well.. get through the day.

You held your head low and watched your feet scuffle across the dirt surface that covered Jezuno. The only time you ever looked up was to admire the tree you passed everyday. Pathetic right? That a tree was one of the only highlights in your day?

But it was the only life form you ever encountered who never disrespected you since there was literally no nature on the planet.

You arrived at the shafts and begun inspecting them for operation. You didn't particularly like Murr, he'd made your life hell on many occasions. But he did agree to let you continue the work you did as a child instead of taking over your father's job.

So you worked all day, just like you did everyday.

Everyday when it got to a certain point in the afternoon, the only thing your thoughts circled around was how your stomach screamed for food. You didn't decide when you got to eat. No one did except Murr.

The only interesting thing you picked up on was a conversation between Murr and another man, one of his advisors. You became pretty good at eavesdropping during work, it was the only way you could escape your own mind. But this conversation was the most interesting thing you'd heard in a long time.

"And if they come here.. what do we do, do we just.. surrender everything?" You heard Murr say inconspicuously.

"We give them what they need. I don't see us having much of a say if they do come here. Besides, we don't even know if that signal was the Order."

_The Order?_

_The First Order._

You'd heard rumors about a "First Order" engaging in a war in the galaxy above your awful life, but never thought them to be true.

The conversation cut out as they moved away from where you were polishing and cleaning mining tools, only picking up on a few more words and phrases like,

"Lucky to survive...Supreme Leader... _Kylo Ren_."

_Kylo Ren._

He's actually real?

You'd also heard rumors of a sick, monsterous, selfish totalitarian leader who only cared about his power and did not let anything or anyone stand in his way. You surely believed the people of Jezuno made him up or gotten false information from somewhere else. Jezuno wasn't exactly "in the loop".

But if Murr spoke of him.. he was very real.

Murr wasn't the joking type or one to speak of something if it was false. He was a serious man.

And now.. they were coming to your planet?

Why?

What could the First Order or Kylo Ren possibly want from such a poor planet? Your town couldn't offer up much, and that scared you.

Maybe if they found nothing of value, they'd simply kill everyone and move on to another system seeking the same thing.

You had to know the truth; you'd always had curiousity running through your veins. It got you into trouble more often than not. But this... this situation sounded farther more treacherous than going beyond the borders of your town because you saw a butterfly (however, you _were_ only seven at the time).

So after a long day of work, you frantically cleaned up your station and strode quickly through town, your eyes darting in every direction looking for Murr.

It was late in the afternoon. The sun would be beginning to set soon and you would be forced to return to your tent. You had to find him soon.. like.. now.

You couldn't find him anywhere, which was unusual. Usually he'd be looming over someone's shoulder nearby telling them to redo their work because he thought it simply wasn't good enough.

You begun to give up in your head and decided to slowly make your way back towards your shelter.

It turned out he was near your tent the entire time. You caught him walking along the trail that passed your small toupee-shaped home.

You begun moving your legs faster before he could get too far away.

"Murr!" You exclaimed repeatedly before he finally stopped walking and turned around.

He had an irritated look on his face, as if he was moving towards somewhere important and you interrupted him.

"What is it?", he said in a hurried manner.

"I uh, I know i-it's really none of my business.. but I heard you speaking of the possibility of the First Order coming here and I just wanted to know if it was true so we can be prepared, I mean we can't just let them-"

Your words were cut off suddenly when you saw Murr draw back his hand and slap you across the face, leaving your head facing towards the right while your body still stood towards Murr.

You slowly turned your head and met his gaze once again.

"You're right," he sneered, "It is none of your business."

He gave you one more menacing glare and strode away to whoever else's day he would ruin.

It wasn't the first time Murr had laid his hands on you. You'd gotten countless bruises over the past several years to serve as evidence.

You hadn't felt this scared in a long time, probably since the death of your father. Everyday on Jezuno was as boring as the next. Nothing eventful ever occured. There was a small gathering area in the center of town - right next to your tent - but you don't remember the last time it had been utilized.

But now what was probably the biggest threat to ever strike Jezuno, was coming.

Maybe.

There was still a chance that the whole thing was just more spread rumors. If you hadn't overheard the conversation, you wouldn't even feel this stressed out.

Maybe it was nothing at all.

Your cheek still containing a firey sensation from Murr's harsh slap, you put one foot in front of the other until you reached your shelter.

After you pushed open the flap, you sighed heavily as you threw yourself lazily onto your cot. You sat on the edge and took off your boots, your feet aching.

You felt the soil beneath and in between your toes once again, just as you had when you woke up in the morning. You had a life that the universe pressed the repeat button on everyday.

It could be worse, though.

You could be dead.

The light was beginning to escape from your sight as the sun set. You laid back onto your cot and stared up at the thin fabric you couldn't even call a ceiling.

Wanting to sleep so desperately, you continued to lay there, but your eyes wouldn't stay closed.

See, sleeping was a lot easier than being awake a lot of the time, you found.

But your mind was still wide awake. Buzzing with thoughts about the First Order's possible arrival.

_Will they kill me?_

_Will they kill everyone?_

_Why are they even coming?_

_There's no way we would be able to defend ourselves against them._

_We'd be forced to surrender._

It didn't matter when or if they arrived. Your town had no defense, leaving the outcome to the situation the same no matter the time they came.

If they even came at all.

As if on cue, your thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a loud, but low vibration. The sense followed by a gush of air that hit your tent, making the walls bend inwards and back out repeatedly.

It couldn't be.

They actually came.

Of course, your shelter was right in the middle of the town, which is where their ships decided to land.

_Great._

You knew they were right by you because of the high pitch screech that sounded soon after. You threw your hands up to your ears to cover them - it was as if someone was blowing an airhorn right next to your ear, but was a hundred times louder and higher pitched.

You didn't dare open the flap to look out at them. You were still curious, but you wouldn't risk being captured if they saw you.

So you stayed, sitting straight up on your cot with your legs hugged tightly to your chest, your arms wrapped around them.

You focused intensely on your sense of hearing to try and decipher what was unfolding outside.

The sound of footsteps arrived at your ears.. but you didn't know if they were people from the First Order decending the ramp of their ship, or Murr.

Perhaps it was both.

Then there was silence for several moments.

You tried to quiet your breathing when you noticed it was speeding up and getting louder.

Finally, you heard a voice.

"Supreme Leader."

Murr.

There was silence once again.

But then another voice spoke, "Let's get right to it then, shall we?"

The voice was deep. It almost didn't sound human, it sounded... modified.

When you didn't hear Murr respond the modified voice spoke again, "The First Order seeks your allegiance. You will remain loyal to us and in return be protected as long as you provide us with any resources we may desire from Jezuno."

Once again, silence.

You were growing even more nervous than you thought you might be. What is with them and these long pauses full of nothing but silence? It was only making the whole situation more suspenseful.

Maybe that was the point.

Eventually after what seemed like several minutes - maybe it had been - Murr spoke up again, "And what if I refuse your offer, Kylo Ren? What will you do then?"

_Oh my fuck._

_Kylo Ren._

He was indeed real and he was here.

Infact, he was probably no less than fifty feet away from you.

The curious side of you so badly wanted to peek outside and catch a glimpse of him. See how monsterous he really looked.

But the more logistic side of you knew better. Just this once, you didn't get to be curious or brave. It would be completely naive. Not that you hadn't been naive before, but especially now was not the time.

Your thoughts were once again cut off by that deep, raspy voice.

"If you choose to decline the standing offer I will not hesitate to obliterate your town. I will have every living creature destroyed. You may take my word for it if you wish. Therefore, I would strongly suggest considering the offer which I have presented to you."

You didn't have to guess what came next you knew it.

More silence.

You wanted so bad to just storm out there and set everything straight so it could all be over. Of course that would only make things way worse and you pushed the thought to the back wall of your brain.

Did Murr really have to consider the offer? It was basic life or death. How had he not already agreed to ally with the Order?

And finally he did, "Supreme Leader Ren, I'd be happy to accept your offer."

Murr's tone didn't exactly match his words, however. He sounded beyond furious. You'd heard his most angry tone and his voice now was so much worse.

"Outstanding."

Kylo Ren's voice was bland. You couldn't tell what kind of mood he was in by the sound of his voice. His voice sounded once more.

"I'll be sending a cargo ship every once in a while. My workers will take whatever we may need and you will not stop them. The Order will not hesitate to kill you. We have no sympathy."

Before Murr could respond - even if he wanted to - you heard the sound of footsteps once again, this time growing more distant.

They were leaving.

You released a breath you didn't realize you'd been holding and the butterflies fluttering rapidly in your stomach began to slow.

You let yourself relax for a moment.

_Holy shit._

_Everything is fine._

_You're going to be fine._

But just when you truly believed everything was going to be okay, it wasn't.

You felt something.

A tingling in your head.

It was almost as if... you weren't alone in your own mind.

You heard that same deep modified voice once again outside your tent, but more distant.

"I sense..." Kylo Ren whispered.

What?

What did he _sense?_

It couldn't possibly have any sort of connection to the feeling you'd just experienced. There was no way. You wouldn't be dragged into this. Not after all of the shit life had put you through.

You heard the same heavy footsteps revert back to the same area they were previously located while negotiating with Murr.

Well.. negotiating wasn't really the word, more like 'do you want to live or die?'

"One more thing actually."

Murr responded almost immediately, "And what is that, Sir?"

"I'll be taking one of your people back to the First Order. I could always use another worker on base," Ren said.

You were horrified.

Not only were you right next to the action, but you were almost sure that the intrusion-like feeling you had in your brain wasn't a coincidence.

Then you remembered something.

Another rumor. About how the supposed Kylo Ren had some kind of... power. A mind power or something like that. You didn't know how that was possible, but it would be a good explanation for whatever presence was in your mind just a few moments ago.

What if you were actually taken?

Yeah, you thought about it before they even arrived but that was just your nerves talking.

Now Kylo Ren was actually speaking of taking someone away and you may very well be that 'someone'.

"Err.. okay Sir. Just one? What use will you make of only one of our citizens?" Murr questioned.

Kylo Ren said only three words in return, "You'd be surprised."

With that the sound of footsteps reappeared. You found yourself clutching your legs now so tightly it hurt. Your breathing became heavier by the second and you almost began panting when the flap to your tent was pushed open forcefully.

You jolted and let out a gasp.

You stared up at the intimidatingly tall, dark figure who loomed in the "doorway".

Your gaze immediately looked to where his eyes would be, but instead found a black visor covering them. You realized then it was a mask. Black, like the rest of his attire. Possibly the reason for his modified voice.

You wondered if he was human.

Even if he was, he sure didn't act like one.

In the few minutes you had encountered him, he acted like a monster and nothing more.

He peered down at you and spoke.

"You."

You didn't think your eyes could widen even more than they already were but they did. Your body was shaking in fear as Kylo Ren turned around and held up two fingers, moving them back and forth as if to say to someone "come here".

That 'someone' ended up being two soldiers in white armor and helmets.

Kylo Ren left your shelter and the two other men took over.

You began to scream and shout as soon as they grabbed onto your arms, forcing you off your cot. They dragged you outside into the night and you turned your head to look in Murr's direction. You continued to scream out and beg for them not to take you away.

And then you heard Murr's voice above your piercing screams, "Are you sure you want _her_ , sir? Not one of the stronger men we have residing here?"

Kylo Ren got in his face, "I will take who I please. Do not question me."

Why wasn't Murr doing anything more? Why wasn't he trying harder to stop them? Why was he letting this dictatorial regime take you away from the place you've lived your entire life?

And then you horrifically realized... _of course._

He didn't care.

Nobody cared.

If you being taken away unwillingly to be tortured or even die would make things easier on Murr's end, then so be it. There wasn't a single being in the universe that cared about you or whether you lived or died.

You were all alone.

And you were afraid.

But mostly, you were afraid of what would become of you. Would you be tortured? Worked to death? Abused and emotionally manipulated?

You were sure you were going to die in the hands of the Order, and you didn't want to. You still had so much life to live.

And then you thought, as you were being dragged away against your will from the one place you could call closest to home, that death may be easier than what was to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for giving this story a shot! Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and keep me motivated to write! Subscribe to be notified when the story is updated.


	2. Sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You arrive at the Order's base and encounter Kylo Ren again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, if you're back then I LOVE YOU!! Thanks so much for sticking with me.
> 
> Enjoy chapter two!

After you came to the realization that no one was going to save you, you allowed your eyes to flutter shut.

Maybe it was a dream. You've had more nightmares recently than good dreams, so there was a very good chance that this was just another one that you were waiting to wake up from. But as you were aggressively thrown onto the floor of a cell, surely leaving a bruise on your side, you began to arrive at the conclusion that this was infact real.

The cell door slammed shut causing you to flinch slightly and you were left alone. But that was nothing new.

You never really had a comfort zone, the closest one being your tiny shelter, and this extended way beyond those boundaries. If they even existed.

Who knew where you were being taken. Actually, every person on the ship knew except for you.

Already you could feel a vast ocean of purple and red begin to form on the length of your side. Once again, not much of the brutality of the situation was new. You'd been hit before and you'd been alone for years. The only difference was now, you would likely meet your end.

You didn't move from the cold metal floor as you felt the ship rise from the surface where your life practically was and ascend into the atmosphere.

Finally, you pulled together the little strength you had and sat up, moving backwards until your back hit the wall. Your knees tucked into your chest while your arms wrapped around them tightly - the same position you'd been in before you were taken by the dark monstrous shadow.

The cell you were thrusted carelessly into was dark, the only ray of light coming from down a hallway outside the door. Nothing could make you desire to stand up and check out the environment around you.

The trait of curiousity was certainly in you, as it had been all your life. But in that moment you had never felt less courageous. Never felt more weak in your entire life than you did now.

You tucked your chin down into your chest and sobbed as silently as you could. Nobody needed to hear how helpless you truly were.

In the past whenever you cried you tried to talk yourself down from it. That you needed to remain strong for yourself and hopefully for some kind of a future. The knowledge that your father wouldn't want to see you upset also helped you hold back the tears.

This time however, you couldn't care less. You'd been ripped away from the only place you'd ever known. Sure, it wasn't the planet you would choose to spend twenty-something years on, but it was better than being kidnapped by the largest threat to the galaxy where you were sure to perish.

With that, the tears willingly flowed from your eyes and down your cheeks, successfully staining your shirt.

Your eyesight darkened as you struggled for oxygen after the exent of your sobbing.

Allowing your head to rest between your knees, you closed your eyes and waited for whatever was planned for you next.

———

A low rumble and shake caused you to snap your eyes open and lift your head from its position in your legs.

You were no psychic, but you strongly assumed the ship had landed at the First Order's base - where ever that was.

It turned out that you were right - a few moments later two white-armored troopers were back in your presence. A number of beeps sounded as one of them typed a code into a keypad adjacent to your cell and pushed open the barred door.

Of course you refused to move after the other trooper - the one who hadn't opened your cell for you to simply be thrown in another one - spoke sharply.

"Get up, let's go."

A few moments of silence overtook the small dim area before the two soldiers grabbed your upper arms and lifted you to your feet.

You decided you weren't going to cooperate as soon as they touched you. Giving the troopers more difficulty, you let your legs simply hang from the bottom of your torso. They were forced to drag you towards the exit.

This went on until you reached the bottom of the ramp of the ship and the troopers simply wouldn't put up with you anymore. As they stopped moving you caught a glare from some higher ranking official who was standing about twenty feet from you. He was dressed in long black robes which was the polar opposite of his skin tone and he had firey bright orange hair.

_What the hell did I ever do to piss him off?_

_Oh well.. maybe he's having a bad day too._

_Maybe he was just taken from his home where he lived his whole life._

_Hm. Doubtful._

You were pulled from your thoughts about the seemingly hostile officer or whoever he was when a blaster was jammed into your spine.

"Walk or I'll stun you."

You wouldn't walk. Wouldn't take in the many stares you'd recieve on your way to your potential doom. Wouldn't give them the satisfaction of being a cooperative prisoner.

"Guess you better stun me then."

Before you could inhale another breath, a sharp pain sprouted in your lower back and spread rapidly throughout your entire body within less than a millisecond.

You fell unconscious before you could comprehend anything else.

———

_Tall grass surrounded you._

_It stood in every direction for as far as your eyes could see. It was just you, the grass and the bright blue sky with no clouds dimming the sunlight._

_You looked down at your feet and saw a brown circle of soil which you were standing in._

_That small patch of dirt started to.. move?_

_It extended out into a trail, wishing away any grass in its path - as if it desired to lead you somewhere._

_Cautiously, you took a step. And then another._

_The farther you walked on the trail, the longer it became. After following the moving ground for several minutes you saw a figure. They were still quite a distance away, but someone was there._

_Waiting for you?_

_Picking up the pace, you were determined to see who awaited you at the end of the trail._

_But they never got any closer. And the trail never ended._

_It was as if.. with every step you took towards the, they took a step away from you. So you began to run. Faster and faster until you were sprinting at the highest speed your limbs would allow._

_You were panting, gasping for air and swallowing it as best you could. Nothing would keep you from reaching them, not even your oxygen deprivation._

_Numbness overtook your legs and you couldn't feel them anymore but you didn't care. You had to know who was at the other end of the trail._

_After what seemed like an hour, the figure started to enlarge in your vision._

_They were so close._

_You yearned to know who the mysterious being was._

_Not long after, you were almost ready to reach your hand out to them when your foot caught on some kind of root and your body slammed face-first into the solid ground._

You shot up from your slumber, unaware of where you were for only nanoseconds.

Everything came back to you then. Arriving at the First Order's base, seeing that unfriendly officer and being stunned.

The new environment you were in wasn't even exactly new. You shot your gaze around the cell; it was quite similar to the one on the ship. The only differences were that a cot was provided for you - which you'd been sleeping on - and the exit looked like a hatch rather than a door. You couldn't see outside.

Your back ached as you straightened out your posture.

Somehow the cot the First Order had provided you with was even less comfy than your one back on Jezuno.

_Didn't know that was possible._

_Then again.. didn't know any of this was possible._

You turned to face the hatch and sat against the wall, still on the cot.

Reality began to sink further into your brain with every second that passed by.

_The First Order kidnapped me._

_I'm in the hands of the most dangerous organization in the galaxy and probably even beyond that._

_But why?_

_Why me?_

_It makes no sense why they took_ me.

_They could've had someone much stronger than I am. There are a few men on Jezuno who were so built, they looked like fucking superheroes._

Then you remembered something that Kylo Ren had said moments before invading your shelter.

_"I sense.."_

_He sensed... what?_

_Me?_

There was nothing significant about you. You were well aware of that. But Kylo Ren had sensed _something_ in you. Something he didn't feel within anyone else within the town.

He had said to Murr that you'd be taken here to simply work and aid the First Order. However, you had more common sense than he gave you credit for. There was no possible way he would take only _one_ person from a town to simply work for the Order. If workers were needed that badly, the whole town would have been recruited.

There was another side to the story and you were desperate to know it.

Did your father know about whatever Kylo Ren had sensed?

Was it so threatening that he kept it hidden from you?

Or maybe he had no idea. All you knew was that for the first time in as long as you could remember, uncertainty consumed you. Now, you had no idea how your next several days would go.

Perhaps you'd spend the rest of your days locked in this cell. Maybe your life would once again repeat everyday but it would take place with the First Order.

You used to think that if one day you were to be free of Jezuno and finally find belonging somewhere, you'd never want to return to the miserable planet ever again.

But right now you did. More than anything.

You sat there for what seemed like forever. It wasn't as if you had any other choice - a cot and single chair weren't exactly the most playful or interesting objects in the universe.

As it had several times since you'd arrived, your mind trickled back to Jezuno. Wondered whether it was day or night. Dawn or dusk. Your home sitting in the dark ground waiting for your return. Perhaps it would wait forever.

During the past several sorrowful years on Jezuno, you told yourself everyday to be patient and wait. Told yourself that one day someone or something would get you off the planet and away to some other greater life. It's what kept you going.

Well, you'd gotten away, that's for sure. But not to something _greater._

A _greater_ life wouldn't leave your mouth completely parched and your stomach sounding like a volcanic eruption.

It was then that you realized you couldn't remember the last time anything had entered your mouth and greeted your stomach. They couldn't even be so humane as to leave a small cup of water to quench the dry desert that had become your mouth.

_Dickheads._

Unless... this was their way of torturing you. Of killing you. Slowly.

If you were going to die, you thought you at least deserved a quick and easy death. Like a blaster shot to the brain.

Easy enough right?

It'd sure as hell be easier for everyone as well, rather than having to keep you alive, but barely clinching to life in a dungeon deep down in the First Order's evil base.

You supposed there were more vile methods to end your life. Ones that were also torturously slow but also came with a side of sheer physical pain and torture.

But all of those dark thoughts were redacted from your mind.

Because as your eyes were so deeply fixated on the black wall across from your cot, next to the hatch that could very well lead to Hell, the sound of metal banging followed by a screech jolted you so much you almost yelped. Somehow you contained yourself.

On the wall to your right, a small flap in the wall had opened, pushing out a flat metal surface. After a few moments, a tray was shoved out onto the shining metal platform along with a tiny black cylinder, which looked to be a cup.

You stood after a few minutes, too shaken by the new motion in your cell to even move yourself.

Your heavy black boots thudded slowly across the floor towards the tray when you saw what awaited you. You didn't think you had ever been more elated at the sight of food.

Even if it looked completely distasteful.

The whole situation became a package deal when you saw the glittering water in the cup adjacent to the colorless food.

_Thanks dickheads._

You wrapped the fingers on one hands around the small tray, the other around the cup, and made your way back to your cot.

_Safe and sound._

The food - if you could even call it that - that the dickheads had so generously gifted you with, was a white-grey color and looked like mashed potatoes, but you doubted that's what it actually was.

Too desperate to even care anymore, you picked up the small plastic fork that accompanied the pile of shit on your plate and took a small bite.

Almost as soon as it entered your mouth, you began to gag, but forced yourself to swallow it. You weren't going to die because the assholes of the First Order granted you shit for food.

_Okay, but those bastards really couldn't give me something at least halfway fucking desireable to eat?_

Somehow you got through half of your meal before you had to call it quits. You'd arrived at the point where if you so much as inhaled the scent of the mush once more, you were sure you would throw up every piece of matter in your stomach.

You were however, able to savor every drop of water in the small cup that was offered to you.

Still sitting on the cot, you bent down and placed the tray on the floor and pushed it away, leaving a sharp screeching sound for the air.

You let yourself fall back onto the cot; somehow you were tired after your overly productive day.

The black ceiling enveloped your sight, which eventually turned into the darkness of sleep.

———

_The dream you've had almost every night of course plays itself in your mind. Seeing your father's work go up in flames, along with him._

_And you, standing helpless a safe distance away, fully knowing you can't save him. You've had the dream so much that during it, a part of you knows it isn't real. That doesn't make it any better though. Because you still have to watch your only family die. As if one time wasn't enough._

_So you stand there in the scorching heat of_ _Jezuno_ _and watch him go, waiting for the nightmare to end and to be taken back to consciousness._ _Waiting for the unknown hand to be placed on your shoulder._

_Just as you had almost every night for years._

———

Of course eventually you wake. Always relieved when you do. Not this time though.

This time you were greeted by none other than the four black metal walls that shielded you from any kind of life.

At least on Jezuno you had a sunrise to wake up to and enjoy. Some kind of beautiful waiting for you.

You couldn't exactly call your cell 'beautiful.'

Rubbing your eyes to the point where you couldn't see straight, you sat up and returned to your upright position against the wall. You leaned your head back, resting it on the wall as you continued to slip between consiousness and unconsiousness.

For a moment you swore you heard the opening of a door, but didn't think anything of it considering you weren't even fully awake.

That changed almost immediately as a low mechanical voice filled your ears.

"Sleep well?"

Your eyes flew wide open before he even finished speaking.

As if your top and bottom jaws were magnetic, your teeth grinded together to the point where you were sure they'd crack and crumble if any more pressure was put.

Looming only feet away from you was the dark shadow that took you from the closest place you could call home.

Supreme Dickhead, Kylo Ren.

As fast as you looked into the visor that covered his inhumane eyes, you averted your gaze back down to the floor, taking your head with it.

Of course you said nothing. He didn't deserve any words out of your mouth.

It felt like he'd been standing there for hours, and maybe he had.

Eventually you heard footsteps move to the back corner of the cell near where the creaky chair sat. You still didn't dare look up. The ground seemed pretty interesting at this point.

Supreme Dickhead picked up the chair with ease and brought it over to you so it sat right in front of you.

You barely saw him sit, your gaze still focused directly on the ground.

Once he sat, you were enveloped in silence once again; you couldn't even hear him breathing. Maybe he didn't breath. Maybe he wasn't human. He sure as hell didn't act like he was.

You began to grow even more agitated when he continued to not speak. Your neck was starting to ache from looking down for so long.

_Can this guy just spit it out?_

You were beginning to think about looking up just so he would leave maybe, but he spoke before you could come to a decision.

"I need you to tell me about your power."

Oh.

Yes, you knew he'd just spoken of some power of yours, although you thought nothing of it, considering you had no power.

But then you immediately thought of that s _omething_ that Kylo had sensed back on Jezuno.

Maybe you _did_ have some secret hidden power. But you still wouldn't give him the satisfaction of revealing whatever it may be, or even looking up. You still weren't even entirely sure you had said power, since you'd never experienced anything abnormal.

"Look at me."

You were too lost in your own thoughts to look up, you barely even heard him.

_Does he really think I even know anything about what he's speaking of? I'm not special, never have been. This fucking asshat just had the audicity to come in here and-_

"Look. At. Me. Now."

Having heard him a little clearer this time, you still didn't comply.

That was a mistake, you would soon learn.

For a moment you thought your neck was simply adjusting to another level of stiffness, but you disregarded the thought when you were suddenly looking into the mask of Supreme Dickhead.

You tried to avert back down to looking at the floor but your body wouldn't let you. It was then you realized, as you saw his hand extended slightly by his side, that he was using _his_ power to force you to look at him.

_That fucker._

Although he could compel you to look into his eyes - which weren't even eyes - he couldn't make you speak. Or at least you didn't think he could.

The tall monster then stood slowly, arm still bent by his side forming a 90 degree angle.

He moved closer to you so he was looming directly above you, looking down on your face. You desperately hoped you were concealing your fear.

"You will speak when you are spoken to. Tell me about your mind."

You continued to stare up at him, trying to put on a brave look in your eyes but failing horribly. He wouldn't take anything from you.

Silently, you vowed to speak not one word to the man who had ruined your life. He didn't deserve any of it. Sure as hell didn't deserve whatever power of yours he spoke of.

After you didn't respond once again he pounced, slamming his fist into the wall above you, surely leaving a dent. He was now trapping you against the wall, looking straight down on you. Unwillingly, your head tilted up to meet his gaze. The bastard was still using the force on you, or whatever.

You realized your bottom lip was quivering and you tried your best to make it stop.

He sneered once again, "I don't want to hurt you. I never did. But it seems as you may leave me with no choice if you continue to lack simple obedience."

You felt it then.

It was like a finger poking at your mind, trying to get in. Trying to extract whatever he wanted from you.

But it never fully entered.

You swore you heard a low growl come from under the mask before he released his hold on you, allowing your head to drop back down.

The mountain of darkness turned abruptly and slammed the chair into the wall to your left, causing you to flinch. He stormed out the open hatch and slammed a button on the other side, sealing the door shut.

The same silence you'd sat in for you didn't know how long took over the dark room again. You didn't even hear Supreme Dickhead's heavy footsteps furiously storm away from your cell.

You had a feeling that he wasn't used to defeat.

It almost made you smile knowing that you were the one to deliver it to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated and keep me motivated..
> 
> also we love a badass reader expect more of that


	3. Until Next Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a solid week, you finally get out of your cell.

The next seven days somehow passed the level of boredom you experienced on Jezuno.

Your days consisted of sleep, staring into the wall across from your cot and eating whatever disgusting shit appeared on a tray once or twice a day.

You hadn't seen a life form since Kylo threw a tantrum in your presence. Although you weren't exactly sure he was a 'life form.' He very well may be a fucking robot under all of the black robes and shadowy helmet.

The Supreme Dickhead hadn't returned for more interrogating.

Maybe he'd been too beaten down on the fact that you overpowered him. Funny, since you didn't even know what your 'power' was or if you even had one. For all you knew, the man was playing with your head or some shit like that.

What was the point of even keeping you here just to have you rot in a cell for days?

Was the mighty First Order not going to put your 'special powers' to the test?

_Cowards._

You could tell you were beginning to lose weight only after a week. Your stylish outfit of a black shirt and tan pants already felt looser.

Productivity was your whole day on Jezuno. You were pretty fit considering you walked to and from work everyday, sometimes taking a long way just to enjoy the fresh air a little longer. The work you did required some muscle, which was the only good thing about it. You hoped that one day you could put your strength to use.

But now you were losing it as you rotted away in the cell that had become your new home. You were going to need your physical strength for any chance of escaping this hell hole.

As if your stomach couldn't be more empty, you started to feel nauseous as you had several times within the past week. This time it occured quite suddenly so you didn't have time to make it through the hidden hatch that you hadn't noticed on your first day, which led to a tiny untended to bathroom.

You couldn't have that much in your stomach as you'd barely eaten all week, but somehow you empitied your insides even more when you threw up all over the shiny black floor next to your cot.

Hollowness took over your body.

Trying hard not to gag, you wiped your lips with the back of your hand and sunk back into the cot, sighing.

There wasn't any way to get rid of the extremely foul taste in your mouth; you just had to wait for the small cup of water that would be so graciously given to you at some point during the day, maybe even twice if you were lucky.

It was now time for your daily dose of gazing into the black wall next to the hatch - this dose usually lasted the entire day, give or take the moments where you would force yourself to swallow the food provided or use the restroom.

Your focus was redirected from the wall that held your gaze, to the hatch left of where your eyes were rested. It slid open and in stepped none other than Supreme Dickhead.

There was a single stormtrooper designated behind him but he didn't come inside the cell as Kylo had.

The dark apparatus stared at you for a few moments and eventually you saw his head nod to the left slightly, indicating that he was indeed becoming aware of your mess on the ground.

You knew you looked pathetic and helpless but you didn't care. It wasn't like you were trying to impress anyone.

He certainly didn't help boost your self-esteem when his deep voice filled the room.

"You look lovely today, Princess."

You didn't need to be a genius to know he was being sarcastic.

You wanted so bad to roll your eyes but didn't want to face any consequence or tamtrum he may throw at you. At least you were smart in knowing how to keep Supreme Dickhead somewhat tame. Of course you wouldn't be a cooperative prisoner, but you didn't want to deal with any broken bones right now.

This time you had the confidence to look straight into his dark visor. You wouldn't speak unless necessary, but you would face him with daring eyes.

Kylo stared at you. Hard. Even though you couldn't see his eyes, it felt as if he were drilling holes through you. Like he was trying to intimidate you. Trying to force your eyes to return to a more terrified state.

It didn't work.

After he failed to scare you further, he sighed and turned to the trooper behind him.

"Take her to the main conference room by Hangar 3. I'll arrive shortly."

The stormtrooper nodded without a moment of hesitation, "Yes sir, right away."

_Suck up._

Before you could think about it, you heard the words fall out of your mouth, "Where am I going?"

Kylo turned back to you standing tall. "She speaks."

You gave him a long, hard, and cold glare. If looks could kill he would've been dead moments ago.

The expression caused him to mumble so low you could barely hear him.

"Careful.."

You felt yourself begin to scoff but quickly swallowed it down. Didn't need Supreme Dickhead to become even more of a dickhead than he already was, if it was possible.

"Where. Am. I. Going?" You reiterated, voice clearly toned with annoyance.

"You'll find out soon enough." He gave no information before he turned and exited the cell only speaking once more before he completely disappeared from sight.

"Take her."

"Yes sir."

———

The cell you'd been residing in must've really been a deep dark dungeon because it felt like forever before you finally reached a part of the base that didn't have cells on either side of the hallways.

When you exited the prisonor block, three more troopers joined you, surrounding you on every side.

You rolled your eyes. It wasn't like you could escape even if you wanted to. Sure, you could probably overthrow these four dumbasses. Wait, no. They have blasters.

_Fuck._

Even if you somehow managed to overthrow the 'lil dickheads, you had to actually get off the base which was pretty much impossible. Because to get off base, you would need a ship and piloting wasn't exactly in your area of expertise.

When you reached a more crowded area of the base, you actually grew more appreciative of the troopers who surrounded you. They blocked off your view of other worker's stares. You knew you didn't look pleasant. The same shirt and pair of pants that had been attatched to your skin on Jezuno, still lay on your body.

So you did the same thing you'd done in the cell when Supreme Dickhead paid you a visit.

You kept your head down, eyes on your feet. Focused on putting one foot in front of the other until you finally reached your destination.

A set of tall double-doors greeted you when you finally pulled your head up. Two troopers took ahold of the handles and pulled open the doors, giving your face a whirl of wind.

The stares you recieved now were a thousand times worse than the ones from earlier. Especially since now you had nowhere to hide.

A long conference table sat ahead of you, with generals and officers seated on both sides. There wasn't one set of eyes whose gaze wasn't on you.

Including Kylo's.

Of course he still had the goddamn mask on, but it was facing directly at you. He stood at the front of the room, leaning forward with his hands bracing himself on the table.

You must have stood there for a while because you felt a trooper nudge you forward into the room before shutting the doors and leaving you alone with Supreme Dickhead and his minions.

Kylo gestured you forward to a seat at the opposite head of the table from where he stood.

The eyes followed you as you moved ghostly to the chair. Once you were seated, you found the courage to tilt your gaze up. You didn't recognize anyone except for Kylo and that one ginger-haired general who had something against you for unknown reasons.

Kylo pushed himself off the table and moved his head from right to left, making sure everyone was ready to begin.

What was beginning, you had no idea.

He cleared his throat.

"We're gathered today to discuss the power and possible future role of Prisoner 7125 within the First Order."

_Prisoner 75-what?_

You already had forgotten the inhumane number assigned to you.

_If I'm going to be helping these assholes the least they could do is call me by my goddamn name._

"The prisoner seems to be unaware of her capability, therefore, today we will enlighten her as well as the rest of you..." Kylo spoke in a sophisticated manner, voice echoing lightly.

You dozed off, only hearing certain words.. "a strength I've never seen first-hand. . . sensed just before we departed. . .

. . . mind power."

All you wanted was for him to cut to the point. You still weren't entirely sure you even had a power. You were a prisoner after all. They could be messing with your mind or executing whatever fuckery they had planned.

So you did what no one else would ever dare to do.

You spoke over him.

"Can someone please tell me exactly what the fuck is happening?"

Kylo froze in his tracks - he'd been pacing around the room slowly. He turned his head ever so slightly so that his gaze was fixated upon you.

When no one spoke you continued.

"Everyone's being so damn secretive about something that I potentially have, so why the fuck am I the one being shut-"

This time it was your words that were interrupted when Kylo slammed his fist on the table, almost making you jump from your chair.

The room was enveloped in silence for only seconds before he sneered, "Do _not_ interrupt me. You may be capable of certain things but my power ascends way higher than yours. Don't think for one second that I won't hesitate to end your life."

Suddenly feeling more confident, you gazed around the table to find almost every officer held their head low. Terrified of their leader.

You shot your eyes back to the shady figure at the head of the table and in your hubris you tested him once more.

"Try me."

Almost immediately after the words fell off your tongue, your throat tightened.

You tried to inhale as deeply as you could but something didn't permit you to do so. Kylo's arm was extended straight towards you, fingers curling slightly. He was blocking your airway. Choking you.

Something else touched your throat, and it was then you realized that your fingers were clawing at your neck, seeking oxygen.

Supreme Mega-Dickhead stepped forward as far as he could before the table cut off his tracks.

"Still such disobedience, hm?"

 _Fuck you,_ you thought but couldn't get out.

"We'll have to work on that. Let's hope you choose to fix your attitude before _I choose_ to kill you."

After a few seconds he returned his arm back to his side, effectively relieving you of his invisible grasp. You greedily sucked down air as much as you could before your breathing eventually normalized

Once you were finished hyperventilating, Kylo continued with his speech. Or rather, he finished it.

"Now that that's been settled for the time being, I'll now turn it over to General Hux, who will explain the depths of the prisoner's power."

_Finally, jeez._

The man who had given you a not-so-friendly look when you first arrived stood from his seat and made his way to where Kylo had previously been.

"Thank you Sir." You swore he glared at you before he continued.

"The Supreme Leader has sensed what seems to be a branch of the Force in this prisoner's mind. She cannot use the Force as others, such as the Supreme Leader, but she can prevent Force users from using their power on her and other victims.”

_What_

_the_

_actual_

_fuck._

You tried to force yourself to keep listening, but a million questions had already begun flooding your mind.

_How come I never knew this?_

_Are they still fucking with me?_

_Is that why Kylo couldn't fully get into my head when he tried?_

Eventually you pulled yourself from your mind and refocused your attention on the General whose mouth was still moving.

"Obviously we will be able to grow and extend her power, possibly making her an essential being to the First Order."

_Essential._

You'd never been essential anywhere before.

"This is something we will be handling with great precaution, since we have never delt with this first-hand before. Now, if the prisoner has any questions, they may be asked at this time." He gestured towards you.

You were slouched in your chair, arms crossed. Again, you had no one to impress.

You looked up and down both sides of the table before you settled on Hux.

"Yeah, uh. . . what am I actually gonna be doing here?"

Hux smirked.

_Douche._

"So eager."

You shook your head slightly instead of rolling your eyes. The only thing you were _eager_ to do was snap his neck.

Hux looked into your eyes once more, "The only reason you're here is so you could be informed of the power you possess. You will be dismissed momentarily, and this council will decide later today what is to become of you."

A grim expression still on your face, you nodded slowly.

The corners of Hux's mouth lifted. "Excellent. Now if there isn't anything else-"

"Actually there is."

You weren't as afraid of interrupting Hux as you were Kylo.

Hux gave you that same glare once again, "And what might that be, prisoner?"

You returned the gift and glared right back at him, sitting up a little straighter.

"If I'm going to be helping you assholes.."

Hux's eyes widened and cocked an eyebrow at your use of language.

". . I don't want to rot in that cell another day. I want a room. One that prisoners aren't kept in. I want new clothes and for the room to have a shower or some place I can bathe."

Those beady eyes narrowed towards you.

"Perhaps you don't understand. See, you are in fact a _prisoner_. Therefore you will recieve the care as one does." He sneered.

You sat in silence after he rejected your demand, arms still crossed. There was no way in hell you would return to that dungeon. At least you wouldn't without putting up a fight.

As you and Hux continuously exchanged glares with the other, a voice sounded from the side of the room where Kylo was standing.

"We can agree to that."

Widening with excitement, your eyes shot to Kylo who was looking at Hux. After a moment you turned your head back towards Hux and gave him a _'take that asshole'_ look.

Kylo pushed off the wall he was leaning on and began to pace towards you, "We will discuss her role within the Order when I return from showing her to her new quarters. Remain here until then."

Striding past you, Kylo pushed open the set of doors. That was probably the indication for you to follow him.

You gave a curt nod to the rest of the council and followed Kylo out of the room.

He was already at least ten paces ahead; you had to do a light jog to catch up with him. But he didn't slow. You were awkwardly caught between a very fast walk and slow jog.

You passed through a hangar, which was crowded with troopers and officers as usual. In that moment you missed the four troopers who had accompanied you to the meeting, as right now you had no blockade keeping you from receiving stares.

Kylo must have noticed your nervousness, or he sensed it through the fucking Force or something, because he slowed his walk until you were walking side-by-side. He did all of it without even looking at you.

This was probably his way of being _nice._

It didn't alter the level of hate you still had for him, but you appreciated the gesture. You probably wouldn't ever become fond of Kylo Ren. How could you? You couldn't even be sure he was _human._ He'd never so much as exposed a strip of skin.

He was a shadow all by himself.

You reached a dimly lit hallway which was home to several doors on both sides. Kylo stopped at the first one you came to and punched in a code.

The keypad produced a green light and you heard the door unlock. Kylo pushed open the door and stepped in. You followed.

It was nicer than you asked for.

The bed was visible as soon as you entered; it sat to the right, the head against the wall. A couch sat across from the bed to your left with a small table in front of it. Up ahead was a small kitchenette and a dining table. Two chairs accompanied it. There was a door adjacent to the kitchen which you guessed to be the bathroom. The room was lit only by a tall lamp in the corner by the bed.

You could get used to this. The excitement that buzzed in your mind was drained when you remembered that you didn't know what was in store for you yet. The council could decide to have you killed or tortured.

There was a good chance that your stay in this room was temporary.

Kylo's mechanical voice pulled you from your trance.

"There's a closet by the sofa where you'll find a few changes of clothes. They'll be restocked every couple of days." He gestured towards said closet. You gave a small nod and he continued his little tour.

"Food will continue to be delivered to you daily. You will remain here until your fate is decided. Do not leave unless you are instructed otherwise. Is that understood?"

He was fixated on you now. Standing ridiculously tall in a room that was smaller than he was probably used to being in.

Too intimidated to try anything you spoke meekly, "Y-yes."

"Good," his voice tiliting higher at the end of the word.

He strode past you towards the door. You turned and spoke before he could place a leather hand on the door handle.

"W-why did you um.." Voice cracking, you cleared your throat and continued.

"..agree to let me have this room?"

He whipped around to face you and thought you heard a smirk escape from behind the mask.

"You _are_ helping the Order, aren't you?"

He paused trying to draw out his point.

"That's what separates you from every other disgusting creature down in the cell blocks. You have something quite valuable to offer, where as they might as well be dead." You nodded once more, processing it.

Even though Kylo had pretty much just said that you're the most important prisoner, somehow his words still hurt.

Becauseit wasn't _you_ that was important.

 _You_ weren't valuable.

Only the _power_ you possessed was the thing anyone cared about. Nobody cared about you on Jezuno (except your Father when he was alive) and nobody cared about you now. That hadn't changed a bit.

You didn't know why his words hurt; it's not like you expected him or anyone to actually give a damn about you.

After many moments of silence your voice filled the air, "R-right, of course."

The sound of that smirk again before he responded, "You'll be notified of your duties shortly. Get some rest." You gave him a straight-lipped smile - if you could call it that - before he turned once more and pulled the door open, spilling light into the room.

He stopped again when he was halfway out of the room and turned only his head back to you.

"Until next time, princess."

That last word hung in your mind even after he was long gone.

_Princess._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "its only chapter 3 and pet names are rolling in?"
> 
> yes.
> 
> yes they are.
> 
> \---
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated and keep me motivated!


	4. Roles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You learn of your so called 'power' and role within the First Order. Oh annnddd with Kylo.

For the first time in practically forever, you were disappointed when you were pulled from unconsciousness. You wanted to fall back into the peaceful slumber that had been long overdue. Prior, sleep had always been just a safe haven. Something you'd rather do than almost anything else. Because when you were asleep, you couldn't feel the weight of loneliness that chronically crushed your shoulders as you went about your day. However, even sleeping still brought some pain - in the form of nightmares.

The same dream still haunted you despite the environmental shift. There wasn't necessarily a pattern to which it occurred; some weeks it played itself every night while others so generously gifted you with a decent night's rest.

Thankfully the universe hadn't delivered the awful memory to your brain last night. Although you weren't sure even the horrid dream could ruin your sleep. The fact that it hadn't occurred made everything so much better when you didn't think it could improve any more.

The bed was unlike anything you'd ever felt in a lifetime - it wasn't firm or solid, like the many surfaces you slept on most of the time. To call it comfy was an understatement. It truly felt like heaven - if such a place existed - to the point where you were afraid that when you opened your eyes you'd be back on Jezuno, or worse, the barbaric cell.

But your mind proved you wrong because when you finally allowed your eyes to flutter open, the only thing that greeted you was the peaceful silence of your new quarters. It was something you never woke to. Even in the early mornings on Jezuno there was no such thing as peace or silence. Someone was always up and at it earlier than you somehow. That, or Murr started his bellowing rampage before the sun could even come up.

As your blurred eyesight began to sharpen, a grin took formation on your face at the thought of yesterday's events. After Kylo left, you explored the place further. There really wasn't much new to discover, but you wanted to admire it forever. The funny thing was that there was without a doubt another room on the base that was a thousand times as nice - perhaps Kylo's. The thought quickly diminished as you continued to marvel at the granite countertops, fingers trailing over it lightly.

Not much later, your brain started to wind down and eyesight fuzzing. Before you crawled into the bed that might as well have been a cloud, you changed clothes for the first time in weeks. Sleep took over immediately as soon as your body hit the smooth, cool sheets.

Now the next morning, you were ecstatic to simply have another day to yourself in your new quarters.

 _Your_ new quarters.

The thought of the room belonging to you was almost enough to make your grin turn into a set of giggles.

Somehow you felt happiness on a higher scale than ever before, even though you were technically still a prisoner of the damned First Order. Your head still sunk deep into the pillow when you decided you would rest there a little longer. It wasn't like you had anywhere to be. At least, not for now.

You were wide awake now, mind scanning through recent memories. One in particular still clung to you like a child to its mother.

_Princess._

There wasn't anything you could tell yourself that you already had yesterday. Whenever it crossed your mind you told yourself over and over one thing: that is meant nothing. The nickname _had_ been spoken in a sarcastic manner the first time, after all.

But you couldn't stop wondering what the context of the second was.

As you continued to lay in bed, your thoughts drifted from 'princess' to the only thing stressing you out - the decision of your fate. It was most likely being made today.

Or.

What if the meeting was commencing _right now._

At that exact moment in time, what may be the rest of your life was being chosen for you. One quick simple _vote_ would determine your fate. Worse, there was a very high chance that 'the rest of your life' measured one more day.

The more you dwelled on the thought, the darker it became. You thought that if you were even granted liveliness, what would be your _purpose?_ As much as you loved your quarters, you couldn't reside in there forever. It would be just like the cell situation, but an upgraded version.

Not _living_. Just _surviving._

Not wanting to ruin a potentially relaxing day, you pulled the heavy comforter off you and swung your legs to the side so they dangled off the bed. A second later you stood and instantly regretted it.

_Stood up too fast._

Ache spread around your forehead and black spots dotted your vision. You braced yourself on the side table by the bed, blinking rapidly until you saw clearly again.

After several deep breaths, you settled on taking a hot and steamy shower. It was just the thing you needed to relief some of the stress trapped inside your body.

Yet, you still knew sadly that the water wouldn't wash away the worry.

You were partially correct - the long time you spent in the shower with the hot water trickling down your bare body calmed your subconcious. But as soon as your foot stepped out onto the navy rug, toes curling into it, every worry sprinted back into you.

The mirror was completely fogged before you wiped a hand over it, revealing your slightly distraught self.

It was odd - you'd only seen a clear reflection of yourself a handful of times. Under all of the excitement of residing in a room classified as a damn mansion for you, the person peering back at you looked lost beyond belief.

You were an optimistic person; you had to be. For example, telling yourself everyday on Jezuno that you'd leave one day and find some kind of belonging. It's how you survived so long without having any real reason to be alive.

Now was no different. You left, yes. But it was belonging that you still and had always seeked. And you were pretty positive that your belonging was not with the First Order.

Sighing, you turned and reached for the towel awaiting you on its rack. The moment your fingertips brushed the cloth, you gaped.

Hell, even the damn towel was made of fucking rich material.

You weren't complaining, but were still unaware of how the value of your power matched the value of these quarters.

Perhaps there were many things you didn't know.

The towel wrapped snug around your body and you released a heavy breath as the soft material came in contact with your skin. It was then you realized that a clean set of clothes awaited you, which was highly uncommon. Part of you wanted to stay in the warm comfort of the towel.

Wet hair falling around your shoulders, you reached for the door handle and left the warm air that consumed the bathroom. Almost as soon as you stepped into the dimly lit kitchen area, you began shivering.

You tasked yourself with getting to the closet to fish out a fresh shirt and pair of pants, preferably sweatpants or at least something comfortable.

Before you could even set your eyes on the closet across the room, you swore there was something out of place in your peripheral vision.

Slowly, you turned your head until your gaze landed on the small table behind the kitchen counter.

Well, the _table_ wasn't exactly what made you gasp and almost let the towel fall to the floor.

It was what sat in one of the two chairs, facing you.

More so, _who_ sat there.

Like a goddamn shadow, he even almost blended in. Made sense why you barely noticed him.

Fucking Kylo Ren. Nothing covering you but thin cloth.

You inhaled a quick and sharp breath, ready to go off on him. "Dude! What the fuck?"

When he didn't so much as tilt his head, you continued, "Can you not see that it's a bad time for whatever the hell you need me for?" You gestured to the towel which now hung loosely around your torso.

He was still. The man - he was probably a man - was _literally_ as still as a fucking statue. You couldn't tell the difference.

So when his silence caused the anger to rise to your throat, you snapped at him.

"Actually, I take that back. You obviously can't see if it's a bad time because you have fucking dark metal covering whatever ugliness you're so insecure about."

If he was completely livid, he didn't show it. So of course, you kept spitting at him, "You're a fucking coward. A coward who can't even show his goddamn face without everyone staring. That's why you had the helmet made, right? So you wouldn't have to deal with the fucking stares-"

The familiar tightness that corrupted your airway yesterday had returned.

Kylo Ren be damned.

He only kept the oxygen out for a few seconds, though. You guessed he only did it to shut you up. It still didn't justify it though.

"Asshole," you muttered after he released you.

The room was left with silence just like it had been when you woke up this morning. But now the air was thick with tension.

Finally he spoke up, "I bring you lunch and that's how you thank me?" He gestured to the platter sitting in front of the empty seat across from him. You hadn't even noticed it.

Also, did he say _lunch?_

You only woke about an hour ago.

_I guess a long rest really was overdue._

You glanced between Kylo and the food, Kylo, the food.

"So-rry." You huffed, not totally apolegetic. "But when you're fucking mute, what am I supposed to do? Stand here and admire you like a damn monument?"

He cocked his head.

"What?" You exhaled a heavy breath when it hitched, praying he didn't notice.

Kylo sat up straighter and raised his arm. You fliched slightly, thinking he was going to choke you again. Instead he moved his arm up and down and you realized he was gesturing you.

"Were you planning on getting dressed or will you be dining in that today?" You swore a smirk sounded from behind the mask after he spoke.

_Oh._

The clothing situation had kind of slipped your mind.

You refrained from rolling your eyes, not wanting to be dead before you even had the pleasure of knowing your role within the Order. If they even granted you one.

Narrowing your eyes you shot back, "Do you really expect me to get dressed while you watch?" Your eyebrows raised in question.

He didn't respond.

After a moment he stood silently and walked towards the door. You relaxed, thinking he was leaving. Then the thud of his boots stopped. You peered up and saw him just facing the door. Not exiting or making any move to. Just.. standing there.

It was then you realized that this was the privacy he granted you to get dressed in.

_How sweet._

A huff escaped your throat as you smiled bitterly and made your way to the closet. That was actually one area you hadn't had the chance to check out yet, so you slid open the door not having any idea what kind of clothes you'd find.

You rumaged around a bit. The clothes in the front were clearly meant for a very large man. Like Supreme Dickhead. Finally you came across a long sleeved black shirt and matching dark leggings.

_Black's really a thing here, huh._

That was the only colored clothing the closet contained.

Before you started to change, you glanced up at Kylo to make sure he wasn't peeking or anything. It was likely that 'pervert' was on his list of characteristics.

When you were as satisfied as you could be with the man still in the room, you dropped the towel and slid on the tight shirt and leggings. You were surprised at how well it fit. They stuck to your skin tightly, but not enough to suffocate you. There was piece of matter in the room that _could_ suffocate you, but it wasn't the clothes.

Smoothing out the wrinkles, you found that the two articles actually went together quite well. It almost looked like a jumpsuit type fit. The hem of the shirt just barely passed the waistband of the leggings.

Meaning-

Meaning your whole fucking ass was exposed for anyone and everyone to see.

And of course there was someone in the room with you who would get the first glance. And frankly, you would probably choose anyone other than him to be stare at your ass. Considering he didn't seem bothered at all by the fact that you were naked under the towel gave you every reason to want to hide yourself from him. Hell, you could have walked out of that bathroom _one hundred percent naked_ if that towel didn't feel like a fucking cloud.

And yet as you stood there covered in black from collarbone to ankle, you felt insecure. After all, it was only thin dark fabric keeping him from seeing you.

_Fucking hell._

The tension in the room had shifted to more of an awkward tension as you finished dressing. Not really knowing what to do next you spoke softly, "Um.. you're good. You can, uh, turn around."

You found it weird how moments ago you were the one dominating an agrument and now you spoke as if you were terrified of the man.

And part of you was. But you wouldn't let him see it. Not that easily.

You'd always been more on the quiet side. Never getting in anyone's business - except for that one time with Murr - and worrying about your own issues, as you had plenty of them. But sometimes anger and adrenaline got the best of you, causing you to lash out at whoever caused your pain.

And Supreme Dickhead had a tendency to cause you pain and anger.

The man turned before you even granted him permission, it seemed. He stood in the same spot, boring holes through you. Of course the mask covered his face, or what was left of a face, but that didn't stop you from being able to tell that he was scanning you up and down like a fucking security system.

You shifted your feet, growing uncomfortable before you cut the awkwardness, "Sooo... to what do I owe this pleasure Supreme Dic- Leader." You corrected yourself immediately. That would take some getting used to.

He was mute again.

The mask made it worse because you couldn't even tell his emotion from the expression on his face.

But then again, that was likely the purpose of it.

Kylo walked back towards the kitchen and took the same seat he was in when you walked out the bathroom. He nodded his head toward the chair across from him as if to say 'sit.'

A heavy sigh escaped your lips before you could stop it and you sluggishly moved to the chair.

As soon as your ass hit the cushioned seat, you caught a whiff of whatever food Kylo brought you. A dome shaped lid covered the plate, keeping the food warm. It made you realize how hungry you actually were. By the smell you could guess that it was better than the shit you were served in the cell once a day.

Kylo leaned forward, placing his forearms on the table. His hands rested in fists.

"I'm here to discuss your future role that has been carefully decided by myself along with other high ranking officials of the First Order."

Your lips parted at his words, suddenly losing the huge appetite you had a few seconds ago. All you sensed was the sick twisting of your stomach and a distant ringing in your ears. As fun as the past day had been relaxing in the room, the moment that you anxiously awaited was here.

Swallowing, you tried not to look utterly terrified.

"Alright," you said at a barely audible volume. Your gaze lingered on the table surface, specifically right in front of Kylo's balled fists.

But then Kylo said something that instantly made you shoot your eyes to meet the visor where his would be.

Your name.

He spoke after like it was nothing, "Were you aware of the power you possess before the First Order allied with your home planet?"

_More like took over._

You were still beyond shook and confused that he knew your name, so when you didn't respond, Kylo asked again, "Were you aware of the power you-"

"How do you know my name?" You interrupted him not even considering the possible consequences. If he choked you then so be it. You had a right to know how he knew your name. And what else did he possibly know?

You waited a few seconds for your throat to stop taking in air, but instead he spoke in a voice that sounded deeper than usual. Angrier.

"What have I told you about interrupting me?" He growled but it didn't faze you. So you did just what he had done - or at least started to do. You repeated yourself.

"How do you know my name?" Every word was a staccato leaving your tongue.

The only other question lingering in your head was why he hadn't started choking the life out of you already.

_Hey.. progress._

Kylo sighed heavily, but not in a defeated way. More like annoyance.

"After you boarded the ship, I asked the man whom I negotiated with for your name." He leaned back and crossed his arms as if trying to say 'there, are you happy now?'

So it turned out there was no special reason he knew your name.

Why would there be? You weren't disappointed..

Kylo pulled you from your thoughts when he filled the room with his dark voice again, "Now, if that's settled I'll ask again." A pause. "Were you aware of your power before you joined the Order?"

His choice of words made you laugh internally. You didn't _join_ the First Order. They took you away against your will.

You shook your head, trying to hide the bitter grin from spreading across your face.

"No." You spoke sharply. "I wasn't aware. I'm barely even aware right now since I don't even know what it is." You crossed your arms so your posture was similar to his.

"General Hux explained it to you yesterday." He retorted. "Or did you choose not to listen?"

You glared at him. Of course you'd been listening, well to that part you did. Everything else was kind of a blur.

"I was listening, but it doesn't mean I comprehended everything that ginger weasel said."

"Hm."

Wanting him to leave so you could eat in peace, you tried to keep the conversation moving, "So I can like block out other people's powers or some shit like that. Cool. What's gonna happen to me now?" Irritation filled your tone.

Kylo sighed again.

_Can he cut it with the damn sighing every twenty seconds?_

"It's been decided that you will accompany me on the battlefield. You'll be trained to be a strong fighter for the First Order. We'll create you to be a great asset during battles. The training will not only be physical, but mental as well. We'll need to grow your shield so it works more effectively."

It was obvious he had more, but gave you a moment to process it all.

A fighter?

You would actually.. be on the battlefield. Fighting for the First Order.

It wasn't the role you thought you'd receive, but you supposed it was better than death. Then again, death was common in warfare.

"Obviously, you won't be fighting any real enemies for a while. We have to make sure your physical and mental strength is powerful enough to face any Force user."

You nodded slowly as if you understood. But so many thoughts and questions flooded your mind, overwhelming you.

One of them had to get out.

"How did you know?"

Realizing you weren't clear enough and you spoke your mind without thinking, you clarified, "How did you know that I had this power. On Jezuno. How'd y-you.. know it was me? And better yet, how do I even have it? My parents didn't have it, or at least I'm pretty positive they didn't. So how? How did all of this happen?"

You stopped yourself after noticing you were ranting and not giving Kylo a real chance to explain. After a minute of silence, which was too long, he finally did.

"I was leaving. About to board the ship and never look back at your dreadful planet. But then I sensed this... strength. This strength that stood out among the entire town. So I looked deeper and felt a tiny flicker of the Force nearby. And it was you." He paused to take a breath. "How you have it, we won't ever be completely sure. The best estimate is that an ancestor of yours was a Force user and the power slowly diminished throughout the generations, leaving you with a.. mutation of the Force almost. Blocking it out. It's something that regular users, such as myself, cannot perform. It's _unique._ "

Your heart fluttered at the word. Unique. It never could have described you before this. Perhaps you'd actually be of importance here.

Another wonder sprouted in your mind and it fell off your tongue almost as soon as it came to mind, "Who will I be training with?"

Hopefully they wouldn't be a complete dickhead like everyone else you'd encountered so far. Maybe actually respect you. Build you up instead of tearing you down.

The idea was rejected when you heard Kylo's one-worded answer.

"Me."

You burst out laughing in disbelief for a good ten seconds before taming yourself.

There was no way in hell you'd train with him. Not only would he probably kill you in the first ten minutes, but you couldn't stand him. He clearly didn't respect you, which was one of the several issues you had with him.

You were clearly much weaker than him. Why would he even _want_ to train you? He could easily track down one of his minions to do his dirty work for him.

Even though you likely couldn't change the unfortunate situation, you could still argue just to the point before your safety was in question. In other words, anger Kylo Ren to the point just before he would choke the living hell out of you.

So of course, you did.

"You. Training me. Right.. I don't think so, pal."

He clearly wasn't amused by how terrifying he sounded, "I wasn't aware you had a say in this. You'll do exactly what is instructed of you from here on out and nothing more. Don't forget your role." The tone he used sounded like the one he probably used towards his victims. "You serve the First Order now. Therefore, you _will_ learn to respect each and every member of the organization. Am I making myself clear?" Clearly he was seeking an answer.

Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of your words, you nodded so slightly that he barely received your response.

"No." He mumbled before he lurched forward out of his seat and across the table. Kylo grasped your jaw with his hand, making you only inches from the mask that was basically his face.

His fingers dug into the sides of your face so hard, you were sure he would break skin any moment. Tugging you even closer he seethed, "Say yes."

You had reached the point where it was now time that you considered the danger of the situation. Supreme Dickhead was obviously getting handsy, which was your cue to comply.

"Y-yes." You barely got out, as his hand firmly held your jaw in place.

He must've seen the fear start to take place in your eyes because he let go only after he mumbled, "Good."

He didn't sit again, just stood at the table's side while you gazed distantly across the room.

You were so lost in your own mind that you barely heard Kylo speak, "Eat up, I know you're hungry."

His words still wouldn't make you look at him. Once he realized this, he turned and strode towards the door. Cape fluttering behind him. He called out once more as he made his way out of your room.

"Training begins in two days. Take tomorrow to rest before we start."

Once the menacing figure was long gone, you sagged into the chair and cursed him for making him lose the desire to eat. You were too overwhelmed with new information to even think about anything other than what Kylo had just explained.

If his little outburst a few minutes ago was any indication of what training with him may bring, you didn't want any part of it. Because you couldn't use words to defend yourself during training. You'd be too _afraid_. You could raise your voice when you felt like you were in an environment where he wouldn't end you. But in a room full of weapons, one likely in his hand as well, you wouldn't take any chances and piss him off. If he grew angry enough, he'd lash out, you being just another object in his path of destruction.

Therefore, the fact that you strongly disliked the man wasn't your main reason for not wanting to train with him.

It was that you were scared of him in that setting.

And you'd do everything in your power to make sure he never saw how nervous he really made you.

You realized that Kylo hadn't mentioned what time training would commence in a couple days. It didn't matter anyway, because you weren't going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay for jaw grabs!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading my story! Love you all and be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments!


	5. Defiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bored out of your mind, you make the ultimate decision to leave your quarters against Kylo's orders. Will the extra entertainment really be worth it though?

_No more. Fuck it._

You couldn't stay in your room another second. It was driving you mad. It was your last 'rest' day until training began and although you were determined to savor it, you also wanted to get the hell out of your quarters.

There was still a great chance you would defy Kylo and not show up to training, but perhaps it was still up in the air.

As much as you loved your room and how upgraded it was from the cell or your home on Jezuno, you needed a new scenery around you. At least for a little while.

You spent the past couple of days sleeping, showering and staring at the dark ceiling. There was zero entertainment in your quarters which pretty much sucked which was why you were going to find entertainment of your own... elsewhere within the huge base.

Kylo had delivered lunch to you everyday meaning he would likely know you were gone but that didn't concern you enough to make you obey him. He could go get blasted on the battlefield for all you cared.

_But then..._

You still felt his phantom fingers holding your jaw in place from yesterday. The memory sent a tingle through your body and you physically shook it off. Something about it made you feel something you never had. You couldn't explain it. Did you— did you _like it?_

Never before had you experienced such a thing. There was one time on Jezuno where a guy who was there for cargo delivery showed an interest in you which was when you lost your virginity. But that sex had been fairly gentle and slow. Nothing like the actions Kylo had committed on you.

Why— how had these thoughts turned to fucking?

Quickly removing the events of yesterday from your head, you dressed as fast as you could as to make sure you wouldn't get caught by Kylo bringing your food. You glanced at the clock:

_11:15_

That was good. He usually came around twelve-hundred sharp so you had time to get out and explore the base. Possibly even return to your quarters before Kylo arrived. That was the goal.

You opened the door to leave and a tiny beep sounded but you thought nothing of it. Walking fast away from your quarters, you had no idea where you were headed. All you had to do first was get a good amount of distance away from the room and then you could walk around lazily and check things out.

During the escape away from your room, no one really seemed to regard you except for one guy who looked to be a decent looking maintenance worker. You expected him to glare at you just like everyone else had, nothing less, only he actually granted you with a crooked but still nice smile. You gave back a small grin and continued your walk.

You passed through a few hangars, admiring the TIE fighters that zoomed in and out of the base. What a sight it was, even if it _was_ the most deadly order in the galaxy.

You gazed out into space at the infinite amount of stars, wondering how far away you were from your home planet. The galaxy was beautiful.. if only you could see other planets, ones with more color and life. If you could spend the rest of your life living in a house surrounded by green grass and nature then you'd be happy until death.

A bundle of heavy steps sounded to your left, pulling you out of the trance and when you turned a whole squadron of marching white-armored soldiers was about to run you down.

Quickly stumbling out of the way, you got out of there before anyone could question who you were and where you were supposed to be. It was a miracle that not a single person had stopped you so far or reported you back to Kylo.

After getting into a more quiet area, you caught your breath. It was a close one, but it was also so thrilling. You couldn't care less anymore if Kylo was upset with you. You'd practically already forgotten about his existence.

Turning down the hall, there was an open space with rows of tables set up. There were minimal people in the room but enough to make at least one friend. Most of them were the men in white.

Getting closer, the area looked to be a cafeteria. It was plain yet extravagant. The walls were bland, the entire place looked to be made of black metal and steel with simple tables and some chatter throughout the room. However, the ceilings were high, higher than anything you'd ever seen before. The area was vast making you feel free by just standing there.

The soldier's helmets were all off as they ate what looked to be worse than the food you were served in your cell and it made your heart ache knowing that they probably didn't choose this life.

You scanned your eyes around the room trying to pick who to befriend before one guy's eyes met your own. He had shaggy blonde hair and kind light hazel eyes. But beyond that they looked... sad... tired.

The soldier even drew a grin which surprised you so much so that you decided to approach him. Your shoes clicked against the shiny floor lightly, making other soldiers look up to admire your body. It was times like these when you wished your outfit didn't cling to your skin.

Keeping your eyes on the seemingly friendly soldier whom you were approaching, a low whistle sounded from across the room and echoed off the four walls. Turning, you saw a man, older than the one you were making your way to, openly looking you up and down before offering you a wink. All you did was roll your eyes and kept walking.

Arriving at the long table where the lonesome solider sat, you didn't say anything before pulling the chair out from the table and sitting yourself right across from him. You were feeling outgoing all of the sudden which prompted you to stick your hand out and introduce yourself, stating your name.

The soldier then glanced down to your offered hand and shook it with his very warm palm.

"So, what's your name?" You asked when he hadn't spoken yet. Perhaps he was shy.

He cleared his throat before speaking in a not-so-low voice. "I'm MC-1219." You raised your brows. "But my friends normally call me Mac when we're off duty," he offered a small smile.

You gave him a smile in exchange. Mac seemed charming enough. Right off the bat he seemed kind and caring and you saw yourself being friends with him during your entire stay at the base - however long that would be. 

There were so many questions to be asked with so many answers you weren't sure you wanted to know. So of course you started with the one that mattered least. 

"What's with the letters and numbers?" You asked not knowing what the answer could be, or how harsh the truth was. You guessed he really didn't choose the life he lived because the smile on this face faded all at once and he picked at his food. 

"It's uh- it's my assigned name. We all have them." Mac said with a melancholy undertone. 

By _all_ did he mean.. "You mean all of the white-armored people?"

He seemed to find your words amusing because he let out a cute, small chuckle. You had to bite your lip from smiling so hard. When you arrived here, you assumed everyone would be like Kylo or Hux; never giving you the time of day or always staring at you like they wanted to rip you apart limb by limb. Never in the history of the galaxy would you have imagined you'd find someone as genuine and kind as Mac. 

" _White-armored people_ , huh?" He laughed again. 

You frowned. "Yeah? Isn't that what.. you all are?" You gestured around the room at all of the other men dressed in the same plain attire. 

"Well.. I mean yeah, but the job title is a stormtrooper." You raised your brows at the fantasized name. "But we- the Order doesn't really consider us people, we're just... pawns and catalysts for battles I guess. We fight without proper training and get killed while the officers and generals stand back and watch it all happen. They just hope that whoever we're fighting is less trained than us and that's it. That's why they assign us random names if you can even call it that. They go through so many of us that there's no point in remembering who we are because no one will when we're gone eventually." He said with a grim expression on his face and you guessed he had been holding in his fury about his situation for a while now, just waiting to unleash it somehow. You were glad he could do it with you.

"Can I ask.." you started after a few moments of silence, "what was your name, ya know.. before?" You saw his eyes grow sadder but trying to remain in a decent state. Possibly convincing himself that it was fine because he was making a new friend. At least you hoped that was what he was thinking. You weren't particularly a compassionate person but decided that everyone should have a friend. And even though he mentioned he did, you wanted to be sure of it by being one for him. Besides, he was too amiable to ignore. 

"I don't know," he whispered. "I don't remember."

A frown took its place on your face. "You don't.. remember?"

He shook his head no. "No, they uh- they pretty much brainwash us when we get here and take away all of our memories. I have no idea where I came from, who my family is, if they're even alive or how old I am. Though I would assume I'm around my early to mid twenties but I'll never know for sure." 

"Jesus," you said to yourself. "I'm so sorry Mac. That's fucked up." 

He looked back up at you and sighed heavily, trying to rid himself of the constant reminder that was his life. "Yeah well, we can't do anything about it now. It's just how it is."

You weren't sure if you'd ever felt so bad for a person. Were your parents dead? Yes. Were you here against your own will? Yes. But you couldn't imagine not remembering your father and all the fond memories you had with him. Without those you would have nothing and so you couldn't comprehend how Mac felt every day, not even knowing who he truly was. 

"Enough about me," he smiled trying to get rid of the sad bubble that enclosed you both. "What about you? Why are you at the mighty First Order's base? I don't think I've seen you around here before... then again it _is_ a pretty big place."

A chuckle escaped your lips. " _That_ you are right about. I've kinda been wandering around for the past.." You checked your watch.

_11:32_

"...twenty minutes or so. I haven't really had the chance to see much of anything so I decided to have a look around. For a place as malicious as the Order, they sure do have one hell of a base," you continued to admire it as you spoke.

Mac only nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I've been here a while and I only know my way around where I go in a day. Which is probably one-fiftieth of the whole place."

"That's crazy," you said in astonishment, "but anyway, I was brought here.. I don't know a little over a week ago from my home planet. They think I have some super power and want me to train so I can aid them in battle," you shrugged. But Mac only widened his eyes and let his jaw drop a little.

"You-you have _the Force_?" He asked as if he was talking to a ghost.

"The Force?"

"Yeah!" He sounded like you were stupid for not knowing what it was. And then as he spoke you remembered what Hux had said in that meeting you went to...

_A branch of the Force in this prisoner's mind._

"You know that freaky mind power the Supreme Leader has? The one where you can like choke people and make things move and stuff?" This conversation seemed to be the highlight of his year.

"No.. well yes, but not exactly. They say I can like stop people from using the Force on me or on other people. Which is cool I guess but I don't know if I would have asked for it." The Force was what allowed Kylo to pin you to the wall in your cell and sense the power in you on Jezuno. If that power hadn't ever existed then you wouldn't be here right now. 

"Still though, it's not something you see everyday," Mac added. 

Not this again... "I suppose, but.. it kinda sucks how now that I have this _thing_ everyone sees me only for my power and not for who I really am. You know?"

Mac contemplated in his head and eventually nodded, "Yeah, I get that. But hey who knows, maybe it'll actually come in handy one day outside of all this," he gestured around him signifying the entire Order. "Yeah, maybe." You agreed reluctantly. 

A few more minutes of chatting with Mac went by before you saw an officer pass by in the hallway outside the cafeteria walls. The sight wasn't what made your heart drop but it was what you heard on his radio. 

_"Begin a search party around sectors 47B through 51C. Ren's requested it, it seems his prisoner is missing."_

You looked down at your watch.

_11:47_

You were confused... Kylo always came no earlier than twelve so how had he known that you left-

The beep.

It was the fucking beep you heard when you left your room. Supreme Dickhead set a goddamn security alarm so he would know.

Mac was still talking so he didn't take notice of your pale face as you heard the news. After you didn't respond to his comment about the time he witnessed an escape, he furrowed his light brows. "Are you okay? It looks like you've just seen something supernatural..."

Your wide eyes met his confused ones and you assured him that you were okay and just had to get going. Mac nodded still concerned and you said something about seeing him around. You meant it, you really did want to hang out with Mac again, but right now you had to get back to your quarters. Fast. 

You walked the long distance to the exit of the room, body itching to just take off and sprint away. There was no way you'd ever admit it, but you were scared. Scared of what Kylo would do to you as soon as you encountered him again. It couldn't end in a good way for you no matter what happened next.

As soon as you were around the corner and no one in the cafeteria could see you, your legs worked as hard as they could. Struggling to remember which way your quarters were exactly, you went with your gut as you darted around corners and almost running into several people. Lieutenants gave you the side eye and stormtroopers cursed as you bumped their shoulder and almost sent them tumbling backwards. 

It was a miracle that no one realized you were "Ren's missing prisoner" but so far you were clear. It wasn't like a girl running frantic around the base was suspicious or anything. But the hallways were pretty clear of anyone now and that was when you realized you truly had no fucking idea where you were or where you were going. In fact, you were almost positive you had gone the exact _opposite_ way of where your quarters were.

Speaking honestly, your life could not get worse. Not only were you in the hands of the Order unwillingly, but you were sure you were about to be disintegrated into acid or whatever torture method Kylo usually went with. He probably had a list hanging on his fridge and everyday woke up and decided which way he would end his prisoner's life. Hopefully yours would be somewhat quick. 

At that thought, you began to panic. Your mind was spiraling out of control and your breaths were getting heavier, not just from the running. That was only making it worse. The walls passed in your peripherals in blurs, your legs starting to numb. You walked fast through the dim hallways devoid of any other living presence until a booming voice came from behind you.

"Prisoner!" It sneered. 

The disgust in their voice made your feet halt so abruptly that you almost lost your balance and face-planted on the black marble floors in front of you. You were still heaving and when you didn't hear any footsteps approaching you, you turned around ever so slowly to see...

Hux.

You tried not to let the fear in your features show but you had a feeling he could already sense your skittishness. The weasel's piercing eyes stared into yours. "Lost?" He mocked you, voice echoing down the hallway. 

Swallowing, you found your mouth to be dry and completely without saliva and it got even worse when Hux began to make his way toward you. When he was no more than eight feet from you (which you already deemed to be too close) his brows furrowed and you heard something on _his_ radio chatter. 

The same message you heard only minutes ago on the other officer, telling of your missing state. 

A pit of dark dread formed in your stomach and began to spread down to your legs and up to your chest, completely enveloping your heart and making it beat unhealthily fast. The entire time you've spent on base have been hours spent afraid. Now, somehow you were way more terrified than almost every other moment in your life. Almost though... some you could never top. 

After the message had finished playing, a sinister smile formed on Hux's face making you even more uneasy. "Missing are we?" The smirk didn't fade. You clenched and unclenched your jaw continuously, willing yourself not to attack him and rip his head off right here. Maybe you'd even be a good citizen and clean up the mess you'd surely leave. Maybe.

He closed another foot between you by stepping forward, "Are you trying to escape?" He gasped dramatically with sarcasm before laughing so devilishly your face burned with fury. "Because if Ren didn't see such an importance for you I would let you leave in a second. Surely you must know you aren't welcome here. No one wants you here, frankly it's only the Supreme Leader pulling for you. _Why_ he is standing by you is beyond me, but hear this..." Hux stepped so close your chest's were almost touching. He bent down slightly so his lips were next to your ear. His fingers trailed up your arm to your neck and grasped you there making a surprised sound erupt from your throat. You wiggled, trying to free yourself but he only continued his threat, "...if you sabotage the First Order in any way or I think you're onto something then I will have you killed without a second thought. I don't trust you but I believe I've made that clear enough. And by the way you are already defying Ren, I wouldn't put it past you to attempt some foolish takedown of the Order now that you have your little power," he spewed. 

His grip around your neck was tightening and you tried to cough but he wouldn't even allow that. "Is that understood?" He smiled knowing damn well you couldn't respond with his hand wrapped around your neck and blocking your airway. 

"G-Ggguh.." you tried.

"What was that?" Hux mocked.

"G-go. Ffucugh.. _fuck_ _y-yourselff."_ You got out your words the best you could. 

Hux clearly didn't find your words to be amusing because the last thing you saw before you flinched your eyes shut was his other hand raising, preparing to hit you across the face. 

After you closed your eyes in preparation, there was a loud crash which at first you believed was the sound of his hand contacting your face but then you realized that there was nothing blocking your airway anymore. You couldn't feel the unwelcomed warmth of Hux's body against you anymore and his touch was gone from your body.

The panic wasn't gone from your body and frankly, you were afraid to open your eyes. But you had to at some point, so you chose to face whatever was on the other side now rather than later.

All at once you peeled your eyes open and the first thing you noticed was Hux's unconscious body slumped against the wall adjacent to you. Whatever had forced him into the wall was hard enough that his body left a slight dent in the wall. Hux's body wasn't the only person there though, because standing right in front of you was Kylo, dressed in dark attire as always. 

If Kylo wasn't there only minutes ago you would guess he was a statue based on how still he was now. It didn't even look like he was breathing which was a contrast to your still heaving chest. You looked up into the visor of his helmet in fear, completely horrified of what was going to happen next. His fists were clenched, indeed confirming that he was angry. _How angry_ you wished not to know.

After what seemed like an hour, Kylo stepped forward so fast you jolted but before either of you could speak, he had wrapped his long fingers around your upper arm and began to tug you down the hallway. You deemed that the fact that he wasn't saying anything was bad.

Since Kylo's grip on you was _also_ strong and you couldn't get out if it, you were forced to meet his long stride so you were practically almost jogging so he wouldn't literally be dragging you. When you passed through a hangar or busy part of the base you averted your gaze and looked at your fast-moving feet so avoid the stares. There was definitely going to be a bruise on your arm tomorrow. 

It seemed that you really had gone the complete wrong way on the search to find your quarters because it seemed like forever before you were in an area you kind of recognized. This area was the hallway of your room. 

Supreme Dickhead unlocked the door and pretty much threw you into the room. You had to brace yourself before you ran into a dining chair, which yes, did sit on the opposite end of the room. The door slammed and you turned to face Kylo who was standing completely still again in front of the door. 

There was nothing you could say to make him less upset so you decided to give him the first word. But he just kept standing there. Was he waiting for you to say something just so he could refute it? He needed to do _something_ soon because your legs hurt like a bitch and you really fucking needed to sit and-

"I believe you owe me a thank you."

The voice that hadn't changed a bit spoke out of nowhere, filling the air. You expected him to talk at some point but you didn't think he'd say.. _that._

You couldn't respond any other way except in a scoff, "A _thank you_?" He didn't say anything which meant that yes, you did owe him one. "Are you crazy?! One of your men just almost choked the life out of me when I did nothing to him and you expect me to beg for mercy? That's a good one." A pause. "Here, I'll tell you the same thing I told your bastard of a general. _Go fuck yourself_." Scoffing again, you turned to make your way to the bathroom but the air didn't allow you to before you could even take a second step. 

You could still move your head surprisingly and when you turned it around to face Kylo, one arm was extended towards you. He was in fact the one keeping you from moving. "Damnit," you muttered. 

"Are you done yet?" asked Kylo. 

"Can't promise anything but sure," was all you'd give him. Perhaps he was desperate because at your words he let you go. You huffed, taking in all the oxygen you could before stepping across the room back towards Kylo with your arms crossed. "You didn't have to come for me, you know. I wasn't even trying to escape and I was handling the situation perfectly fine." You imagined if you could see his face that Kylo would have raised a brow and smirked because that was what his next words sounded like if you could connect them to a facial expression.

"Oh really? You had it under control?" You nodded. "You said that he _almost choked the life out of you,_ did you not?"

_This fucker._

You swallowed, "Uh, yes but-"

"I'd classify that as not being a situation you could handle so yes, I believe a thank you is in order since I was forced to intervene and help you out of the foolish mess you got yourself into. One that never would have occurred had you simply followed my rules and stayed in this room. You're lucky I could sense your panic and distress from where I was otherwise who knows what else that asshole would've done." His voice grew louder and more harsh with every word he spoke. He was also a couple of steps closer to you now. You had no words prepared so you reluctantly let him continue:

"In case you haven't figured it out, an alarm sounds on my radio when you leave the room or if someone comes and tries to take you. Do you get it? I thought somebody came here and tried to take you away. Tried to hurt you...and _I can't let that happen_." He whispered the last part making the words come out raspy, but you heard them. 

Feeling daring, you closed another step between the two of you. "Why Kylo? Why can't you let anyone hurt me?" You prompted him. Now _he_ seemed at a loss for words and if you weren't so intent on hearing the answer you may have smiled with pride.

You swore you heard him inhale and exhale a shaky breath. Was he... _nervous?_

"You're too important."

Your heart soared. _Wait, why did it soar?_ "To the Order," he clarified making you deflate. "If any other regime got you in their hands then they'd have an advantage. We need all we can get." You bit your tongue and nodded slowly, not understanding why a feeling of disappointment overwhelmed you at his words.

All of the anger that built in you throughout the day was ready to be unleashed and just like how Mac had unleashed with you, you were about to do the same to Kylo. "All anyone here fucking cares about is my power," you spoke loudly, "and since that's all you assholes are after, let me make something very clear to you." You stepped even closer to him so only a foot separated you. "I. Don't. Want. Your. Help. I don't want it and I never asked for it. So please just stay the hell away from me as much as you can or just lock me in here to die because I don't care anymore." You huffed.

"He almost _hit_ you," Kylo argued. "You would rather take that than me offering my help?"

"It's nothing I haven't been through before!" You yelled as a result of being so fed up.

And... silence. 

Your shoulders shrunk at the large piece of information you had just revealed about your past. And it was true, you were used to being hit and slapped around by Murr back home. Although you hated it, you never realized how wrong it was until now. Until you saw how angry it made Kylo.

"Who?" Kylo stated plainly. "Who hurt you?" 

You opened your mouth to object and say _forget it_ but you didn't have the chance.

"Was it that lowlife of a leader? The one I negotiated with? Was it him?" Kylo pleaded with you. To your horrification, tears began to form behind your eyes but you willed them to stay put. When you didn't say anything, Kylo came forward and grasped your shoulders making you gasp. 

"I need you to tell me. Was it him?" You stared up at his mask with wide eyes and a single, emotional tear flew down your cheek. Looking at the floor and how close your feet were to his, you nodded with a blank expression. He took his hands away from you and began to pace the room. This was ridiculous, why was he so bipolar? One second he said he only wanted your power and the next he begged you to tell him who hurt you in the past. 

You needed answers, and you were determined to get some. Right now.

"Kylo," you said but he didn't stop pacing. "Kylo, I need you to tell me why!" You basically yelled into the room. Your tone must have caught his attention because he stopped moving all at once and turned to face you.

Satisfied finally, you clarified, "Why do you care? Why do you care who hurt me?" You were yelling again, "I don't understand why because I don't even know you! You don't even know me! And for all hell knows, right in front of me is just a fucking alien or monster living under a mask because he's too afraid or self-conscious to show his face!" You caught your breath after your speech and thought about how it could be the last ones you took depending on how mad you just made him with your insults. 

The only things you expected to happen next was more yelling, more grabbing, or him storming out of the room without another word. 

What you never would have expected was for him to step closer to you in complete silence and raise both of his hands up to the sides of his helmet. Your eyes widened even more at the realization that you were about to see his face. It was a sight that probably few people had seen. 

The mask made a hissing noise and the front of it moved so he could easily remove it. He pulled it from his head and the first thing you saw was how his long, dark hair flopped down as he revealed himself.

" _Holy shit_ ," you whispered. You couldn't contain yourself because...

Supreme Dickhead was unbelievably handsome. He was almost beautiful.

His raven hair framed his face nicely. His face was gorgeous with moles scattered around and surrounding his large angular nose which some would call ugly but to you it was adorable. His dark amber eyes stared into yours and your lips parted at the tingling that sparked in your core. 

Fuck, it's been three seconds and he was already arousing you. 

You couldn't help it though, you'd never seen someone so captivating.

"Does this help you know me better?" He asked and _oh_ how lovely his real voice was. It was still low, but the raspy and tone of a robot from the mask was gone. The way his pink lips moved when he spoke sent a chill down your spine. What would it feel like if he placed them on your-

No. _No._

He was still Supreme Dickhead and even seeing his somehow stunning face couldn't change that. Not yet. The revelation didn't help you know what his personality was like better or know who Kylo Ren truly was, but it did allow you to confirm that he was human. Just like you.

"Maybe a little," you said quietly. 

Kylo only nodded and you took one more look at him, trying to memorize his face as he sealed his helmet back over his head. You wanted to ask why he wore it and if he could take it off around you but you assumed that it initiated some kind of fear in others which you supposed was true because if maskless Kylo had kidnapped you from your tent on Jezuno, you wouldn't have been as afraid. Funny how that worked.

As Kylo turned to leave a feeling of both disappointment and relief flooded your body, conflicting you. Now facing away from you, Kylo spoke once more. "Remember, training tomorrow morning. Be there at eight-hundred. Don't be late." You nodded in agreement but then felt stupid when you realized he couldn't see you. But he most've sensed your obedience because he nodded to himself and exited your quarters without another word.

The fact that the whole encounter with Kylo went way better than you expected surprised you. There was small part of you that truly believed you wouldn't have lived to see another day but here you were, alive and intact. He hadn't even yelled or used the Force on you as much as you expected him to.

A million thoughts raced through your mind at the events of the day but one stuck out to you: although Kylo stated no one could hurt you because he needed your power, you suspected there was something more. Because beyond that, Kylo was going out of his way to make sure you were okay. 

It was almost as if Kylo (who was supposed to be Supreme Dickhead) somewhat cared for your existence. Not your power's, but _yours._

Whyhe possibly cared, you didn't know. And after everything that's happened so far, you weren't even sure you wished to know the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good stuff coming, thank you for being patient!! :))
> 
> Thanks for reading! I love reading your comments so be sure to leave any thoughts below! <3


	6. Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You begin training. It’s almost as bad as you imagined.

You'd only just left your quarters and the walk to training so far was _agonizing._

Not only were you nervous to be with Kylo for a prolonged period of time but you were nervous for the actual _training_ with him.

One reason being because you didn't know how pushy he'd be about everything or how violent he'd get. If the walls were stacked with swords and blasters then you were in deep hell. If he were to scream at you in his low voice ' _position 4'_ and you did position 3 then all he had to do was storm his whiny ass to the wall closest to him, grab a blaster and shoot you in the heart.

Actually, even easier than that. All he had to do was unclip his lighter sword from his belt and slice your head off before you could blink.

You woke up unusually earlier than normal. The clock read _6:52_ when your eyes opened and to your horror, there was a hand-written note sitting on the side-table next to the clock.   
  
  


_Meet me in the training room as soon as you wake up and see this._

_Wear something fit, but comfortable._

_-K.R._   
  
  


Although he said yesterday to meet at eight you complied with what the note said. No use in dying any earlier than you needed to. You rolled your eyes at the extra hour of sleep that Supreme Dickhead stole from you. Later you could argue that an extra hour would've helped you stay focused in training. You made a mental note to at some point.

The fact that there was a physical note in your room meant that Kylo had broken into your room sometime during the night and placed it right next to your sleeping figure. He could've done a number of things while you were in a vulnerable state: watched you sleep, drugged you, invaded your mind to see what you were dreaming of and who knew what else. Of course it was likely he did none of these... except maybe you could see him watching you sleep for a couple minutes. You shivered at the thought.

You ended up wearing the same type of leggings you'd worn the entire time on base and you even managed to find a black tank top which would be very useful for training. You didn't particularly like walking around the base while showing so much skin, especially since the tank top's hem didn't reach all the way down to where your leggings rested on your waist so the strip of skin where your belly button lied was exposed.

The butterflies in your stomach continued to fly around rapidly as you searched for the training room but having no luck. Kylo really couldn't have provided you with directions? How the fuck were you supposed to find _one single room_ on the base the size of a moon?

After wandering around for at least ten minutes you were about to give up and ask someone but before you could, you saw a stormtrooper jogging your way. You were almost frightened at first but when his friendly voice sounded, you were relieved to be someone you knew.

"Hey! It's me, from the cafeteria yesterday!" He sounded happy to see you.

"Mac? Is that you in there?" You smiled. His voice was slightly modified due to the helmet but wasn't nearly as low or raspy as Kylo's.

"In the flesh." He confirmed but then looked down at himself, "Well, not really... in the armor I guess?"

You laughed and appreciated the fact that you had already made a friend who was able to make you do that. "Where are you headed?" Mac asked.

"Oh, my training actually starts today. Starts _right now,_ actually but I don't know... exactly... where that is." You looked around you as if to gesture that you didn't have the slightest clue as to where you were or where you were supposed to go.

It was silent for a few seconds after that and you assumed Mac was thinking about which direction you should go. Finally he spoke, "Actually if you wanna follow me I can take you to it. I'm pretty positive I know where it's at." If you could see his face he would probably be smiling, you thought.

You thanked him and began to follow him to wherever the hell of a gym may be. He kept the conversation to a minimum mostly because there were several people around and it was against his protocol.

You must've wandered in the complete wrong direction earlier because you'd been walking for at least almost ten minutes and the room still wasn't in sight.

"So, uh who's your trainer? Anyone I might know?" Mac broke the silence once you reached a quieter area of the base.

A giggle escaped your mouth at that and you couldn't stop it if you tried. "Funny you should mention..." If you could see Mac's face right now you would guess it to look confused. "The Supreme Leader."

All was silent for a few moments before _he_ burst out laughing, doubling over practically. "That-- that's uh, _wow_ that's a good one," his breath steadied, "Whew, stars you should tell that to people more often, it would really bring some spirit around here."

His laughter wasn't completely gone until he took a good look at your face which showed him that perhaps you weren't kidding. You practically felt his body tense with shock.

"Shut up, you're serious?"

All you could do was nod in confirmation. "Yep, trust me I wish I wasn't." 

It seemed like he was still putting it together in his head that you were really going to be in close contact with Ren. "I mean, you must get some pretty decent training huh? He's probably the best of the best so at least there's that," Mac said.

You scoffed, "That's true, but I'd rather get sucky training than risk having my head ripped off every day by his fucking light sword."

Mac hissed through his teeth, "Yeah that's the kicker. Ah well, here we are!"

You'd been so caught up in the conversation that you didn't realize you were standing outside of what to be a massive training room. 

"Fuck," you muttered under your breath. You weren't exactly sure why you were even here. After all, you had vowed to not come but the way Kylo somewhat opened up to you yesterday convinced you to wake up way too early and come to get your ass kicked.

The doors to the room were glass so you could clearly see inside. Taking a step forward, you saw Kylo through the clear door. He was already in action. Most of his robes were discarded and his helmet was forgone as well. He was wielding some kind of sword but not the cross-guard one that gleamed a fiery red. 

The sight was mesmerizing. Kylo spun in circles and planted his feet in a graceful manner (somehow) as he fought a hologram enemy. It was peaceful to watch. His movements were so smooth and calculated that it looked like improv. You wondered if you'd be able to do that one day. 

Terrifyingly, you hoped you would. 

Distantly you heard a sound near your ear which you realized to be Mac snapping his fingers at you.

"Hey uh, you still in there?" He sounded amused.

You physically shook your head and turned away from the doors to face your new friend "Yeah, yeah, sorry. This is all just sort of surreal." You said looking around the area in awe. Realizing you were beginning to slip back into a trance, you found words again. "But hey, thank you so much for bringing me here. I'm not sure I ever would've found the place if it weren't for you." You smiled.

"It's no problem at all. Let me know if you ever need directions and I'm your guy." The two of you let out a mutual chuckle and you turned back to peer through the glass doors. 

This time Kylo wasn't in action. Instead he was staring at you. He looked deadly. His eyes were narrow and his gaze seemed to flicker between you and Mac. It looked like the sword he was holding was about to snap in half from how tight his grip was around it. You could almost feel the angry fumes radiating off of him even through the barrier between you.

You felt your lips part at the intensity of his features; it felt like his gaze alone created a stirring in your stomach but it wasn't painful. Was it... butterflies? 

Still utterly captivated, you hear yourself thank Mac once more and say that you should probably get in there before he got mad. He said goodbye in return and you took a deep breath before stepping forward to pull open the glass door that separated you and the Supreme Leader.

As soon as you stepped in his eyes raked over your body in the tight attire before breaking out of his statue-like stance and began walking around the room to get things set up. 

"You're late." 

It took all you had not to scoff. 

"Your note said to get here when I woke up," you shot back in a nicer manner than you wished you could use with him. 

"If I remember correctly I specifically stated to get here _as soon as_ you woke up. That doesn't mean stopping along the way to chat with your acquaintances." His tone was harsh, each word sharp coming from his tongue. "I should write that trooper up for not sticking to his duties assigned to him."

"Come on, I just asked him for directions since you couldn't take the time to write them out for me," you shot back. Kylo didn't reply and only continued to move around the vast area.

A heavy sigh left your lips at his silence and you stepped further into the room towards Kylo. "So what's first?" You asked.

"We will begin with mind training and then move on to a bit of physical stuff." He replied so he almost spoke on top of your words.

Your brows furrowed. "I thought you said I didn't have the Force?"

"You don't." He stated blatantly. "Not technically. But in order to use your shield effectively you will need up strengthen your focus upon your enemies who will to use their power against you. Your training will be similar to someone who actually possesses the power that I have but likely won't be as difficult since you only have one small branch of the trait. You aren't able to move rocks or anything but I will use my power on you and you'll need to block it out."

After his monologue, he finally stopped moving to look at you. 

With all of the layers of clothing Kylo wore you never realized how good of a body he had. He wore a black tank top and dark joggers. His muscles seemed to strain against his own skin from the inside and before you could stop yourself you found yourself desiring to run your hand up and down the skin there, possibly leaving light kisses on every part of his skin your hand touched. 

When you met his eyes again you were horrified to see a huge smirk across his face. He- he couldn't possibly _know_ what you were thinking...

_Shit._

_Fucking Force._

"See something you like, princess?"

Your eyes widened.

"No," you stated surprisingly bold. "Just zoned out."

"Mm." He said. You refrained from rolling your eyes at his constant lack of commentary. "It seems your lack of focus is already an issue which you'll need to improve on desperately for this. Why don't we begin with that?"

You nodded and proceeded to follow him to a more secluded area of the room. 

The two of you spent the next however long working on your focus and ability to keep a steady mindset without freaking out or anything. 

It started off simple; you would sit still and Kylo would try to make you flinch. The goal was obviously not to move or make a sound. It was tough at first and you got a little frustrated but quickly improved. 

You didn't miss the fact that once when Kylo crept up behind you he brushed his chest against your back unnecessarily. 

"I think that's enough of that," Kylo said eventually. "Let's move on to some slightly heavier stuff." 

You swallowed in nervousness. 

"Uh- yeah sure, let's do it." You tried to sound enthusiastic but failed. All you received from Kylo was a narrow-eyed look. 

He led you over to a matted area which immediately terrified you. It likely meant you were about to be pushed and shoved into the floors and walls all over the place. 

Kylo stood about twenty feet away from you and picked up what looked to be a small rock. He tossed it in his hand. "First we're going to act as if I'm your enemy..." You laughed internally at that because he kind of already was in some ways, "...and trying to inflict a physical object on you to hurt you by using the Force. You will have to focus in on me and get in my head to prevent me from doing so."

You nodded but really, you still had no clue what to do. 

"Right, okay I get the things you're saying but I don't get how I'm supposed to just... stop you from throwing a rock at me."

The next thing Kylo did surprised you. No, _shocked_ you.

He _laughed._

You truly didn't think that man had any human-like qualities. 

"You just have to practice. You probably won't get it for a while but let's make it a goal to resist at least once today, okay?"

You nodded and almost smiled at how gracious he was being towards you. Almost.

"Okay, I'm going to push this towards you and you must attempt to resist me. So, remember what I taught you. Focus. On nothing else. Just the stone and making sure it doesn't hit you. Enemies won't be throwing rocks at you. Instead, you'll have to stop a blaster shot from hitting you which will move at a thousand times faster speed than this will." He held up the tiny object.

_Well that sure doesn't help my confidence,_ you thought to yourself.

"It's not meant to, I'm just stating the facts." Kylo stated out loud.

You looked up ready to respond before remembering you didn't say that aloud.

Did he just- _again?_

This time you didn't stop yourself from rolling your eyes. "Dude, you gotta stop reading my mind without me knowing." You sighed.

"Maybe you shouldn't think so loud then." He replied. You were about to respond but Kylo continued on before you could say another word, "Anyways, focus now. It's coming your way."

Suddenly the rock began to float and you saw Kylo's hand controlling it a few inches away. You zoned in on the stone and gave it your all. Your mind was set on it and nothing, _nothing_ would distract you from-

The rock zoomed towards you at a fast speed and you lost your train of thought. In the seconds before it hit you, your mind scrambled trying to focus but it didn't work. 

The pebble hit your stomach and dropped to the floor. You wanted to sink next to it in defeat.

A heavy breath escaped your lips and you looked up to Kylo expecting a disappointed look on his face but it seemed like he had no emotion. His face was blank and all he said was, "All right, let's try again," and picked up another rock. 

This went on for what seemed like another year. The amount of stones piled up at your feet was ridiculous and you had never felt worse about yourself even if what you were trying to do was basically magic.

This wasn't the life for you and you knew it. You were nobody. Nobodies shouldn't be trying to resist a Force user let alone the Supreme Leader of the entire fucking galaxy. It was probable that in your first real battle, some random soldier would shoot at you and before you could even think about resisting, the blast would hit you and you'd be dead. 

You felt just as useless as you did on Jezuno but the only difference was your surroundings. Your residence had improved in quality but the life you lived hadn't. And that was the part you cared about; not where you lived but _how_ and _why_ you lived. 

Why you were living, you currently didn't know. It seemed like you were nothing but a waste of space in the galaxy and a waste of time for Kylo and the entire First Order. 

"Supreme Leader, I don't think it's gonna happen today. Maybe we should just cut it short and-"

"Nonsense," Kylo stated. He paused to think before speaking again, "Perhaps you just need some more... motivation."

Your stomach churned at the unknown things Kylo was about to suggest. He walked over to a wall of weapons and pulled down a sword not unlike the one he used to duel the hologram when you first arrived. 

The realization sunk in all at once.

There was no way...

You couldn't possibly-

"Stop the sword from hitting you." 

Just like that Kylo spoke aloud the reason for your death. Perhaps it'd be written on your gravestone, if they even gave you one. 

"Don't be so dramatic," he said and once again revealing that he could hear you. You really had to figure out a way to keep him out. "It won't be a big deal at all if you just stop it." 

You gaped at him. "Ky- Supreme Leader are you serious? That thing's gonna slice me open!" 

He smiled wickedly, all graciousness from earlier gone. "Sure it won't. That'll only happen if you let it." 

You'd been close to death more than once in your life. Every time you would get this feeling... like your breaths were numbered and you only had a couple of words left to speak. You would feel sad about all of the things you never got to do and what you could've done had you more time.

You had that feeling right now.

"Jesus Christ," Kylo muttered. "Just stop the fucking thing."

And before you could inhale again, the sword hurled towards you, blade facing you.

You didn't even think, just reacted mentally. All you knew was you couldn't let it get to you. You closed your eyes and braced for impact. You waited for the blade to cut your body in half and for everything to go dark.

But it never did. 

Peeling your eyes open slowly, you rejoiced internally at the fact that the sword hovered in mid-air between you and Kylo. A few seconds later after you took your focus off it, it clattered to the floor.

Remembering you weren't the only person in the room, you looked up at Kylo with excited eyes and smiled when you saw the corner of his mouth rise just a little bit. It wasn't much, but it was enough for Kylo that you could call it a smile. 

"All right, let's move on," he said and turned to walk away.

"Move on?" He stopped and you continued. "I mean, there's more to do after I just did... that?" You questioned.

"Darling that was a great start, but there's much for you to learn and practice. If you would've gotten that on the first couple of tries then perhaps we would be done by now." He was testing you and you didn't like it.

You replied by scowling and followed him to another secluded area.

There were two armchairs seated across from one another and he beckoned you to sit, placing himself in the other chair a couple of feet away. 

God damnit, even the way he sat was attractive.

Kylo cleared his throat and your eyes snapped up to meet his. "The final thing we'll work on today is mind invasion. Considering your thoughts scream in my head, we need to practice your ability to resist when people try to get inside yours." 

Your brows furrowed. "Okay, but how can people even use this against me?"

"They'll dig into your mind, see your past and weaknesses and use it against you. If it's in the moment, they'll manipulate you emotionally and say or do things that can get to you. We have to make sure you're strong enough to resist that before it weakens you." 

You agreed mutely and he continued: "I'm going to try and enter your mind shallowly and you'll perform the same techniques as you did earlier to block me out, got it?" 

Nodding, you closed your eyes and prepared for whatever Kylo was about to do. 

A few moments later you felt a small tingling in the back of your head. It almost felt exactly like fingers trying to prod its way in. The feeling immediately felt uncomfortable so you pushed back. For a moment you felt the sensation fade but you celebrated too soon because it returned seconds later.

Kylo began to dig deeper and you saw... images? You couldn't tell what they were at first but then you realized they were memories. _Your_ memories. He was getting to the deeper stuff. 

Growing irritated, you resisted with everything you had but all that would happen was the feeling would go away for a little bit and return with no way to fully block it out. The memories came back fast now.

"Kylo..." you mumbled absently.

_Smoke_

Your brows pinched.

_Fire_

Lips parted.

_Dad_

"Kylo, stop..."

_Death_

A shuddered breath.

_Alone_

Your body shook now.

_Nobody._

"Kylo, STOP!" 

You shot up from your chair and gasped for air. The real world slowly faded back to you and the images were gone. You hated the things that were shown to you but you hated the thing sitting in front of you even more. 

Seeing the haunted memories of your past saddened you deeply, but the fact that _Kylo_ had now seen them made you feel a humiliation like no other. 

The shaking and hyperventilating didn't falter and it only slowed when Kylo stood and stepped forward to rest a heavy hand on your shoulder.

"Hey are you o-"

" _Don't fucking touch me,_ " you spat, teeth gritted and shoved his hand away. His hand seemed to stutter in mid-air before dropping back down to his side. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?" You asked when he didn't say anything.

He still didn't speak, didn't even look you in the eye. 

He wasn't sorry and probably didn't know how to be. You weren't a person to him, just a weapon. A weapon that wouldn't only destruct the Order's enemies, but you yourself as well.

As much as you wanted to get to know Kylo for some odd reason and be on each other's good side, he wouldn't allow it. He hurt too many people, yourself included. You couldn't be closely associated with that no matter the small amount of affection he showed towards you. 

"Right," you whispered. "I should've fucking known."

Your words were so quiet they were almost phantom but you knew he heard them. Another second wasn't wasted before you marched away from Kylo and fled through the clear glass doors. 

There was a part of you that as you stormed away, wished to hear his heavy footsteps chasing after you.

But no matter how hard you listened over the pounding of your own, you didn't hear a single thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! I love reading your thoughts and they never go unnoticed by me! <333
> 
> psssttt, btw.... the smut arrives in a couple of chapters.... sneak peek in the next one (wink)


	7. The Breath On My Lips That Wasn't Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback reveals what occurred after you left the training room and a visitor comes to your quarters unexpectedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Here's some spicy stuff to see you through. :)
> 
> this is kind of a filler chapter i suppose, so apologies if it's short <3

Somehow, the next two days were even more uneventful than the ones you spent in the cell. You didn't leave once even though you were basically starving. It seemed like they were feeding you even less.

Kylo hadn't delivered your meals since the training session. Now it was a droid who came to the door everyday. The fact that Supreme Dickhead couldn't even face you made your conflicted thoughts about him lean to one side.

And not the good one.

By the forty-eight hour mark you had explored every inch of your quarters to try and see if there was anything cool you missed. There wasn't. The best thing you found was a hidden drawer in the closet. You probably got more excited about it than you should've.

You could leave at any time. Over the course of the past two days you could've walked out of your quarters with (almost) nothing to stop you. However, two things would happen: Kylo would be alerted and find you - and you weren't ready to face him yet. Second, you wouldn't even know where to go.

You hadn't seen another living being in over two days which made you begin to wonder if they just forgot about you. The Order made such a big deal about using you as a weapon and then they just neglected you. In all honesty, you couldn't say you minded. Being used to the advantage of the regime was way more dangerous than lounging around in a small room for the rest of your days and although that would be boring as hell, you wouldn't be dead. Because you had no idea what getting involved with the Order would mean for you. A likely path was to perish since they were involved in current wars so if you could decide your fate, you would be as far away from the base as possible. 

But obviously that wasn't the case. 

You had to help these douchebags and there wasn't any negotiation. So far everything was terrible as proven by your first training session and you didn't want to imagine how much worse it could get. But if Kylo never got the balls to come around to your quarters ever again then perhaps the whole deal with you and the Order would fade. 

The thought of Kylo made your mind drift to a couple days ago when you stormed from the session. You were furious with him for the mind invasion and the feeling grew when he refused to apologize and remained silent. 

And then  _ after _ you left the training room he surprised you only to disappoint again...

___

_ Another second wasn't wasted before you marched away from Kylo and fled through the clear glass doors. There was a part of you that as you stormed away, wished to hear his heavy footsteps chasing after you. _

_ But no matter how hard you listened over the pounding of your own, you didn't hear a single thing.  _

_ That was until you were about twenty feet clear of the room. The sound of heavy breathing and footsteps filled the air and a puff of hope spread throughout your body. Sure enough, you halted in your steps and turned to see a wide-eyed Kylo who looked like he was on a mission. _

_ He was still dressed in only his training attire which meant he was maskless. Anyone on the entire base could walk by and see his face but it seemed like it didn't matter much to him at this moment. His mouth opened and closed as if he couldn't get the words to leave his mouth. He inched towards you slowly until you were only a couple feet away.  _

_ You sighed and crossed your arms. The irritated look that passed over your face wasn't hidden and you didn't try to conceal it.  _

_ "Are you here to say something to me or should I keep walking?" You surprised yourself with how bold you were being towards the Supreme Leader of the whole fucking galaxy. _

_ To your even further surprise, he still faltered. He looked like a fish with his mouth agape.  _

_ "I um..." You raised your brows trying to draw out his words. "Just..." he closed the distance between you. You didn't even see his arm reach out to stroke your arm lightly. His touch was so gentle that it almost made you melt right into it. You wanted that touch everywhere else, not just on your forearm.  _

_ "Come back." He pleaded quietly and when you realized he wasn't atoning for his actions, you pulled away from his grasp. "Is there anything else you have to tell me?" You tried to make it easier on him but something inside of him wouldn't allow it. _

_ "Just please come back so we can finish our session. You'll never improve if we cut it sh-" _

_ His words were cut off by you marching away from him once again. You were willing to learn all of this shit - your power and how to use it to the Order's advantage. So if Kylo couldn't learn to say sorry for something that hurt you deeply after asking him to stop, you wouldn't comply with what he wanted.  _

_ This time no footsteps followed you no matter how far away you got from the training room. You were so fumed and ready to cry from all of your painful memories that you hadn't even noticed that you were actually going the right way towards your quarters. Somehow you'd remembered. _

_ The memories still flooded your mind and you tried everything to make them go away but nothing worked. It was like Kylo's invasion awakened every single traumatic thing that ever happened to you, even the events you could barely remember. Tears formed in your eyes rapidly and it took everything you had to hold them back.  _

_ Just before your vision became completely blurry, you spotted General Hux a distance away from you with that same fucking scowl on his face. You didn't know what made him hate you so much but it was quite apparent. You were sure the man was out to get you and you wondered why he hadn't already tried something to get rid of you. There were only a handful of spoken words between the two of you so he was definitely either holding a tiny grudge against you or just didn't take one word you said right in a meeting or something. _

_ Wanting to not worry about another thing, you broke your gaze on Hux and allowed the tears to take over your vision as you neared your room.  _

_ As soon as the door was shut and locked, you allowed yourself to slide down to the floor against the wall and sob freely into your hugged legs. _

_ ___ _

That night and the one after, your dreams were filled with past events. Of course you dreamed of your father's death as usual but there were more nightmares than decent visions. You recalled Murr's abuse, being put through labor until you passed out and a few glimpses of your mother which was the rarest since you never knew her. Maybe it had something to do with your power that your mind was able to show her. 

You didn't think you could take a third night of the dreams so you willed yourself to stay awake for as long as you could. But as the day went on and your boredom increased, you didn't know what else to do besides sleep. You were fatigued as well which didn't help your eyes remain open and so you slipped into a slumber not much later. 

A distant pounding woke you from your restless sleep not much later (you guessed because you were still tired as hell) and you shot up from the bed. The sound grew clearer as you became more aware of your senses and soon realized that someone was knocking on the door. Repeatedly. Very loudly. 

Whoever it was clearly wanted to get in as proven by the tone of their knocking and a swell of nervousness washed over you. It wasn't Kylo because well... he never knocked, just entered and it wasn't a droid delivering food because it was the middle of the night and they couldn't even put that much power into a knock. 

The only being it could be was another high-ranking officer here to take you away from the base and exile you into the depths of space, never to be seen again. Considering that no one had bothered to check up on you in the past few days really built up the guess that the Order decided that you were not useful to them and would be sending you on your way in no time.

In all the time it took you to wonder who was on the other side, their knocking hadn't stopped for one single beat and it was beginning to bug you so you forced yourself up. If it was someone here to take you away, they would break in at some point so it may as well be now. 

"Goddamn..." you muttered as you stood up and physically shook off the dizziness from standing too fast.

Stumbling over to the door, you yanked it open with force and huffed in annoyance when-

"Kylo?"

He didn't wear his helmet and there was a stern look on his face, but you could still see the timidness in his features. 

"I-I mean Supreme Leader," you fixed yourself. "May I ask what you're doing here at this hour?" Realizing that you likely looked disheveled from recently waking up, you subtly tried to smooth your hair and cover yourself. 

"I needed to speak with you," he said plainly. "May I?" He gestured to the interior of your quarters. You nodded in subtle shock that he had asked rather than just walking in. He had the right to, it was  _ his _ fucking base. 

Anxiety still bloomed in your chest. So far it didn't seem like anything bad was going to occur but with Kylo you never knew. The man was bipolar and you guessed that he'd only continue to be that way in the future. Seeing him for the first time since your blowout outside the training room made the encounter full of awkward tension and you wanted nothing more than to slice it in half with his lightsaber. 

He walked past you after he entered and paced the small space as you stood by the now sealed door. All was completely quiet for a minute as Kylo seemed to work up everything he was going to say or do. While his mind raced, you simply stared at him in wonder. How had he ended up so closed off that he couldn't even formulate a regular apology without thinking about it too much? What made him not want to be vulnerable with anyone? 

"Sir-"

"I came to give you my apologies." He cut you off but you didn't mind it once you heard the phrase he spoke. It surprised you and you wondered where this version of Kylo had come from. You nodded for him to continue but he simply stared back at you. "Okay," you began. "What are you apologizing for?" You felt like a mother scolding her child. 

Kylo rolled his eyes. "Is that not enough for you?" 

Ah,  _ there _ he was.

You stepped forward. "You know Supreme Leader, uttering words is one thing but actually meaning them is another. And I think you don't possess the latter."

He scowled. "This is what you wanted right? You wanted me to come here, get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness? Surprise sweetheart, that's not going to happen. Take it or leave it." He spat at you. "I couldn't care less if you choose to forgive me or not because at the end of the day you still belong to  _ me  _ and nothing will alter that. The only reason I even came here to apologize was to make you feel the smallest bit better about yourself so you would get your head out of your ass and serve the Order like you are designed to do." Your eyes widened at his assertion. 

"I belong to  _ nobody _ ." You seethed. 

A sinister chuckle erupted from deep in Kylo's throat. It sent shivers through your spine and between your legs which you internally cursed at. He stepped towards you again so your chests touched. A hand reached up to cup your jaw and tilt your head up towards him. "Oh,  _ pet.  _ You were mine the minute I sensed you. You just didn't know it yet." 

You swallowed the lump in your throat as his fingers tightened around your jaw. His thumb moved to your bottom lip and ran the pad over it lightly, tracing a horizontal line back and forth a few times. This made your breath come out in short pants as you stared helplessly into his lustful amber eyes.

A terrifying thought overcame you at his actions: no matter how hard you tried to resist Kylo Ren, your impending infatuation with him would win every time. Therefore, you let it happen.

You tried to rub your thighs together without him noticing, but of course, that failed as well. He tsked, "Mmm you're a needy little thing aren't you? I've barely touched you and I'd bet that if I reached down and touched you, you'd be soaking wet. Am I right?" You whimpered at his words. The hand that wasn't holding onto your jaw moved between your clothed legs and hovered only centimeters from your sex. "I can feel your heat baby. I don't even have to touch you to know you're wet for me. You're so filthy. Such a filthy little slut who thinks she isn't owned." 

He removed his hand from between your legs and leaned in so his lips hovered right next to your ear. "Well I've got news for you," he whispered. "Every single inch of you is mine. Every part of you belongs to me and if I were you, I would remember that as you question your every action while on this base." The hand grasping your chin moved south so it wrapped around your throat lightly, but not restricting your airway. "Am I understood?" You were in such a state of shock that you didn't think to answer. His hand tightened around your throat slightly. A threat. 

" _Am I understood_?" He hissed. 

You met his menacing eyes and another wave of lust hit you. Shit, why were you so attracted to this? A part of you was screaming at you for letting this happen, but that still didn't stop you from saying:

"Yes sir."

He pulled your face towards his by your neck so you could now feel his warm and ragged breath on your lips. His nostrils were flared, eyes staring into your soul as if he now knew every single detail about you. His eyes flickered between yours and your lips and you swore- _ swore _ that he was going to kiss you. He leaned in slightly so your lips were less than an inch apart and just before you were about to close the distance, his touch left your body. Completely.

You didn't realize your eyes were closed until he pulled away because they flew open in shock. He stood a few feet away with a proud smirk on his face. You shot him a dirty look. 

"Duty calls," he said and moved around you to get to the door. He turned to you one last time and you didn't miss the possessive look on his face as his eyes raked over your body a final time. "Until tomorrow, princess." And with that he was gone, leaving nothing but a phantom touch on several parts of your body, which was now on edge.

Several minutes later you still stood in the same spot without moving an inch since Kylo had been there. Everything was just now catching up to you and you replayed the scene over and over again in your head trying to figure out what had led to the events that occurred. 

You willed yourself to hate him. He had taken you captive, possibly changed your life for the worst. And yet despite this, you still couldn't fathom why you didn't hate what happened between the two of you. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> psssttt smut train arrives next chapter *wink*
> 
> thank you so much for reading! please feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments as I loveee reading them (sometimes they even give me inspo for a plot line not even kidding its happened before)


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